Tuesday, August 31, 2010

When love hurts

One of the most amazing things I ever hear in counseling someone back to health is - 'I don't know if I want to fall in love again, I don't ever want to get hurt that much again'. I find that amazing because LOVE is the only place we ever do that. When you were learning to ride your bicycle and you crashed, skinned your knee and as a child thought you were gonna die! and ten minutes later crawled onto that bike and did it all over again, even when crashing was a reality it never really crossed your mind not to try again. WHY?
Because you really wanted to ride a bike. And you knew you could learn how.

Love is the same! The only difference is.. you don't believe you can learn how to love without getting hurt all the time.
Why do you think you feel this way?

You never took any classes, courses, seminars that would help you learn. No one was/is there to hold onto the seat so you can get your balance.
But there is! We are called relationship coaches and I teach people how to become a coach as well as teach people how to PROPERLY fall in love.

Most of you are saying, what? Properly fall in love? What nonsense, but a few of you, 'get it' that we have never been taught how to love much less how to fall in love. My book, The Twenty, is all about how to properly find the love of your life. There is a process and a method and a methodology to our emotional needs. There is a method to our desires for ourselves and our happiness. We just have never known it.

Oh some of us have and have read and studied and learned and have fallen and gotten up and fallen again, that's all part of the process but the process for many of us has broken. And it's merely because we FEAR more then we WANT love. That fear comes from our lack of belief that we can LEARN about love enough to fall in love safely.
When you got back on your bike it was because you were encouraged and believed you would learn to ride safely. But think back to what your bike was all about. If your riding instructor would have gotten you a bike that was not right for you, how many times would you have crashed before you gave up trying to ride?
If your bike was a 26 inch huge bike and you couldn't even reach the pedals, after your first crash you would cry and say, nevermore! What if it was too small and your legs were all cramped and your knees stuck out funny... you would have given up. What if .. what if...
And that's exactly what has been happening in your love life all these years! You have not found the right bike! I mean PARTNER! and there has been no one to teach you how to select the right partner until now.

So now lets learn to fall in love safely.

Love will hurt at times. It will frustrate us at times. And it will be difficult at times. But the key to falling in love the right way is to first find out how to select the right partner.

Step number one is finding out what makes you happy. And realizing this will be your first step to an amazing journey and reduce your hurts as you learn what love is really all about.
Stop your hurt and start your journey.
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Monday, August 9, 2010

Romance is not dead!

I hear my clients talking about their frustration with finding a partner or with their current partner is that they don't FEEL loved. First of all I recommend reading THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES so you understand yourself and your partner. Without this basic understanding of yourself, yes, I hear all of you saying, I know who I am... well goody goody for you, I will stay advise you to read this book! (and of course my new book The Twenty)

Now back to the program~

Let's start with you. Are you doing all you can to fill your partners life with romance? With passion? With excitement? Do you know what trips their trigger? What makes them happy? What makes them feel loved? and if you KNOW their desires and are meeting them only then can you complain about not feeling romanced.

Now we get to talk about your romance. DO you sit across the table from your partner and share what you are feeling? Do you ask them about their needs? and then ask them to ask you about your needs?

I know what you are saying.. they don't want to ask me, they don't seem to care, they are not interested... then guess what? You have the wrong partner! Oops! Did I say that? If you are married, sometimes your relationship is more than romance and it is important to keep those things in perspective. Please.

The greatest challenge to not feeling romanced is that we have selected a partner who is not romantic. Look carefully for your partner before selecting one. Be wary for weeks and months that they are not being true to themselves and look for all the warning signs. Then and only then should you settle into a short term relationship with the full understanding that this person - in the long term - will not be the person you have been praying for.

Share, talk, do, accept, give accept and understand... then see if your love tank is being filled with the romance you need and desire.