Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Monday, August 19, 2013

Love sucks~ and other great ideas

Love sucks and other great ideas! When I talk to some people they talk about love like it's the worst thing that ever happened to them and it probably is.

When people come away from love with such a bad attitude about love then all I can say is, they don't understand love. I have interviewed hundreds of people and couples about love: the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have interviewed people who lost the love of their life to death and they still talk about love with magic on their tongues. I have talked to people who lost the love of their life because something went wrong in their relationship and they still talk about love with delight. And I have talked to people who have lost the love of someone they loved because something went wrong and all they can do is talk badly about their partner or badly about love and how love sucks. They talk about how it can't be trusted, and the pain of promises made and the promises broken.

What we find is that love is love. That's all. Love is love and has nothing whatsoever to do with how you were treated, what happened to you or how you feel. The fact that something happened to end the love someone felt towards you is no ones fault. There is no blame. There is no fault. There is only an end to that relationship.

What always surprises me is that some people will always blame someone else for losing that love or falling out of love or lying to them about being in love.

What always surprises me is that some people need to blame someone for love ending. Instead of reveling in the love that they have felt, instead of delighting in the memories they enjoy they instead need to blame and hurt and hold onto the pain that they feel when it ends.

Love will always end in life. For some of us we will love until we die. But when someone dies the physical love they shared with another "dies" also. And the person being loved may never feel that love again except in mental or emotional way. And we seem to understand that.

But when someone else falls out of love with us many of us never understand. Never forgive. Never get over it.

Sad for those who hold onto their pain. Sad that they have the opportunity to love again but because of their own inability to forgive they may never truly share love with someone else again.

For LOVE is a shared emotion when it is between people who are looking for that loving connection. And when one is not complete because they have not forgiven a past failure in love then they are not whole or complete enough to be able to share their broken love with anyone else.

Yes, they might try and you may even be the recipient of this broken love and it will never be complete. It will never fill the void that they have left in their own hearts no matter how much love you offer them.

So when you look to fall in love make sure that it is with someone who is complete. Who has forgiven all past relationships, broken promises and failed loves.

Time can be a great healer but your ability to forgive your old lover as well as forgive yourself are the true keys to finding a new and improved love of your life.

Buy my book The Twenty on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098305570X/ref=cm_pdp_wish_itm_img_4

Friday, August 9, 2013

The AGE of sex~

So many questions from so many ladies about what makes a great relationship as we get older. This is the most difficult topic because we are dealing with established morals, long term experiences and the new conversations about how sex is so easy and accepted in elderly housing.

The greatest increase in STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) is occurring in nursing homes and elderly housing.

What can that mean? That when we reach a certain age if it feels good do it? Or does it mean that if we are allowed to just enjoy our bodies without fear of our surroundings it's ok?

The truth is, as we get older and we don't find emotionally satisfying relationships our desires do not diminish. For the most part it is the women who are the most frustrated by this. Recent surveys are showing that women over 60 are the highest category for buying personal electronic devices over the internet.

How can that be? How can all of our "beliefs" be this wrong? It's simple. In the past we heard something and we passed it on. Things like, 'men never ask for directions'. Of course that was not true. But we BELIEVED it because it was the joke. Now we are starting to understand that the old joke about men wanting sex more than women is simply not true. The truth is that women love sex and want more sex 'when it is performed correctly' than men.

A recent survey said that 77% of all women say their partners need to attend a class to become a better lover.
When I ask men about this study, 100% of all the men say something to the effect of, thank good I am not in that 77%!
We have a deny society. When what should be happening is the men should be saying, wow, I wonder if my partner thinks that? And then go home and ask. But they don't.

This indicates to me that there are many many women frustrated sexually and this might help to explain the rise in extramarital affairs among women over the last ten years.

So now back to the original question. What should single women over the age of sixty do about their needs.

The answer is not easy but it is simple. What are your needs? Who can fulfill them? And how do you go about that?

Most women over sixty were not taught about personal pleasure. They were taught to be a good wife and go along and not make waves and and and ... They were taught that their own pleasure in sex was not that important and in many cases that to pleasure yourself was a sin. Many older women have never experimented with their own bodies. Many have denied their own desires.

And now, as they are getting older they see more and more on TV and in the movies and they want more out of life. I recently finished an erotic novelette ebook called The Unintended Casanova on Amazon and the demand has been very good. The ladies who have written to me asking for the second novelette has surprised me and most are older women.

And several ladies have written to me asking about their own personal satisfaction. They have discussed having a huge sexual appetite and what they should do about it. I listen intently and offer my best advice but each one is such an incredibly different story. How they were brought up, what they were or were not allowed to do.

And my best advice is very simple.... I ask, what do you want to do.

And each one will share what they really want. And my question still comes back to, if you do that, how will that make you feel? And most do not know. Will they feel guilty? Will they feel cheep? and WHY? Is it their morals from a very old upbringing? Is it the stigma that their friends will think things about them? Are they afraid of being talked about, looked at... treated differently?

And those are the things that you must know in advance and prepare yourself to deal with if you decide that your own personal passions that are wanting to be set free need to come out and be acted upon.

Overcoming your 'training' is a very difficult thing. Overcoming you own conscience will be your greatest challenge.

But my greatest advice to you is this. If you know someone who needs to confide in you any of these types of feelings, please do not judge them, laugh or ridicule. Listen openly and without your own prejudices involved and allow them to truly express what they want as the reach toward the end of their sexual peak.

My relationship book is The Twenty and you can find it on my website www.stevesapato.com to help you pick the love of your life and stop dating the wrong people. I hope you find love and happiness in your life that will reach well into the future.


Monday, August 5, 2013

EVOLVE~

WAIT FOR A MAN WHO'S DONE THE WORK

While most women have a natural urge to be nurturing and supportive, relationships are not the place for a man's therapy.

Rescuing a man, even supporting a man who's struggling to find himself or move beyond feelings of insecurity and insignificance will almost certainly set you up to be seen in a motherly role, rather than the one he adores and desires to ravish.

Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Anthony Weiner were all partnered with magnificently supportive women.

No matter how exceptional his gifts, no matter what his potential, if a man hasn't completed his personal work before the relationship it's hard to win his passion once you've allowed yourself to take on the role of his healer and confidant.

Wait for a man who chooses you rather than the man who needs you.

Graham R White

The man of your dreams is not...

This is a great email from Rori Raye.

Have The Relationship You Want

The Man Of Your Dreams Wants To Be Your Hero, But You're Not Going To Get Him Unless You Do This...

Steve,
There are so many new television shows that portray dating and relationship today as something brutal.
That men don't care, that women have to throw themselves at men to get their attention, that porn consumes them all and that we just can't compete unless we become sex slaves - willing to do anything and everything to beat out other women.
At first, I felt horrible. Oh my goodness, I asked myself - am I spreading false hope? Are there really no good men out there, and no such thing as a "mature," "real" relationship - as I talk about it in all my programs?

And Then I Realized...

I know at least 5 GREAT men who are unattached. And that's just in my IMMEDIATE, SMALL circle - I probably know many more if I thought about it.
And - the truth is, I hardly know any women to fix them up with...
I fixed one guy up with two women - and he liked and dated them both... and they both didn't choose HIM! And not because they didn't like him. Not because they weren't attracted to him, or thought he was a great guy.

Find Out Exactly Why You Keep Attracting Heartbreak

Have The Relationship You Want
If you're feeling frustrated that you haven't met a man yet who'll stick to you like glue, light your inner fire, and be a great life partner for you - I know how you feel. I was in that space for a very, very long time.
All I knew was men who were "friends with benefits," or bad boys who thought I'd be okay with a one-night-stand. I even "lowered my standards" and spent way too long involved with what I thought was a "nice, stable guy" who wanted me forever. Until I discovered - in the most humiliating way - that I wasn't "his type."
If you've ever been through this, and want it all to stop and instead believe (and see it come true for you) that there are good men all over the place who actually are READY for a real relationship, and want one with YOU - you'll want to check out my Toxic Men program:
One was looking for a "perfect man" that meant her total checklist, and one was really looking for a "bad boy." And she knew it.

We're The Problem, Not Men

I really believe that. We choose wrong.
I truly believe that on some deep level, we hate ourselves so much and want to punish ourselves so much, that we choose men to hit us over the head with their behavior.
And I just think it now might be easier to FIND those men!
Of all the men I know - NONE of them would rather watch porn than be with a real, live woman.
They're all frightened of real, in the flesh women, actually. They may have visions of supermodels dancing in their heads - but really - they respond to warmth and love and touch. They respond to appreciation.

What It's Like Being A Man Today

Men feel so beat over the head these days - surpassed by women in so many areas, struggling with cultural issues, struggling with their own sense of personal power, struggling with the dynamics of relationship and the relationships they had with their mothers.
But so many men you see all over TV - and writers you read, and businessmen you hear of and read about - are happily married. They are happy to BE married. They don't want to NOT be married.
So many men stick around in marriage even when they aren't getting what they need.

How We Confuse Chemistry With True Intimacy

Intimacy is such a scary thing for most people, that we naturally want to get it all confused with "chemistry" - and so pick the wrong men and stay attached to them.
We think of sex in the wrong way - as though it's what STARTS off a relationship - when actually, passion and physical connection comes from a place that is NOT created from looks and personality, but from the willingness to connect to passion no matter WHAT'S getting in the way.
No matter the anger, no matter the fatigue, no matter the distance, no matter the doubt, no matter what.
If you can connect to passion in you - you can feel it with any man who's simply THERE.
But we don't see it that way:
  • We see ourselves as objects, and so we seek out men who see us as objects.
  • We see ourselves as "conveniences" and so we seek out men who see us as conveniences.
  • We see a man who adores us as somehow "wrong."
  • We confuse chemistry with intimacy and don't see that it works the other way around.

Shifting Your Perception Of Attraction... And Getting Real Love

Have you ever met a man you wouldn't give a second look to, and then all of a sudden you saw other women lining up for him, or found out he had money or power or huge intellect, or was respected by someone else - and then all of a sudden he got "attractive"?
Well, what if you found a man attractive for just being available and interested and wanting a real, live woman in his bed and his life?
I mean - that's a pretty heroic place for a man to be. If he's available, if he wants you, if he knows what "forever" means and wants that, too - then he IS heroic!
Let's start from THOSE men, and DITCH all the others.

Men Who Want To Love You Are The Real Heroes

When we start ditching these other kinds of men who aren't interested in real live love - they will wake up.
When they can't get sex with real live women, they'll get tired of cyber ones and photos. Or - we'll begin to elevate the men we haven't given a chance to hero status, and there will be a whole new model for what love and relationship look like.
For now - look for the unconventional man:
  • Ditch the bad boys.
  • Ditch the hard-to-get.
  • Ditch the distant, the unavailable, the porn-addicted, the confused.
  • Ditch any man who isn't "into you" the way you want.
  • Ditch your romantic fantasies and make up new ones.
Look at the men who are your "friends" who want more. Stop judging men by their covers. Work on being extraordinary and LOVING your extraordinariness.