Friday, December 3, 2010

The trouble with LOVE

How many of us would like to be in love right now? How many of us are going out on the town hoping to find that special someone who will fill our hearts with joy and make our hearts skip a beat every time they walk into the room?
The trouble with love is that most of us don't understand it.
Gary Chapman in his newsletters says that PASSIONATE love does not last. I would like to argue that with him but from my personal experience, my passionate love never stopped, but hers did. So I can only argue one sidedly and that does not make for a loving relationship.

The trouble with love is that it takes TWO PEOPLE to make a relationship. TWO!
My book, THE TWENTY, is all about how to stop dating the wrong kinds of people and to find the love of your life and it defines how when we finally do find the love of our life it should last forever!
But, finding the other part of our equation seems a lonely and daunting task.
The trouble with love is that it's not up to us! If it was just up to me I would have already settled into a relationship of love and passion but it seemed like my partner had other ideas! One that did not include me!
On the surface that seems unfortunate but I do know that if they did not choose me then that relationship was not meant to be.
No hard feelings, no challenges, just love for their choice.

So the next time you find someone of interest, know that they might love you for a while and you might love them, but how to keep the PASSIONS alive and forever, you need a forever partner who wants that toooo!

Blessings into your search!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Want to find the love of your life?

Would you like to find the love of your life?

When most people are asked if they would like to find the love of their life they answer with –yeah, right! We have stopped believing in the love of your life. We want it, we desire it, we even talk about, write about it and make movies about it… but most of us don’t believe it. Why?
We have faced the reality of broken hearts and lost loves and we have become calloused

But what if you could plan for it? What if you could increase your chances from not-a-chance-in-hell to better than 50/50 that the next person you give your heart to will be your one-in-a-million?

It’s all possible if you know the secrets to finding The ONE.

Yup, this is a plug! My new book, The TWENTY (things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life).

Send your lonely and frustrated friends to my website to order it NOW! You will love it!

Blessings into your search

Sunday, September 19, 2010

What keeps passion alive?

Welcome to Steve's Blog
Steve Sapato: Posted on Sunday, September 19, 2010 9:27 PM
I believe that what creates passion in our lives is our own desire to know more... more about this person, more about this topic, more about... the reason passion wanes in our relationship is because we have stopped wanting to know more and believe and take for granted the one we think we know. Fire up the passion by learning more about your partner. Think you know them well? Try going into separate rooms and writing down your top ten goals for 1) Family- what you want to do 2) Travel - where you want to go, see and do 3) Home - what you want your home to look like, contain, become 4) Money- how much you want, how you will achieve it, save it, spend it 5) Become - what YOU want to achieve in your life personally, education? Job? romance? travel? profession

then come back into the room in 20 minutes and compare. Never never never make fun of their list, or ridicule their list, or negate what they want. Just learn about your partner and create the passion again.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Love is finding something within another

I love this story but it brings up so many questions to me? So before you start this story... think of this... when you fell in love with your partner you had all of these loving and romantic beliefs in them. Over the years one or both have lost that amazement.

Now read this wonderful story and think of your love and how you are loved... who is noticing? Who is not...

In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule. About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world.
He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

When love hurts

One of the most amazing things I ever hear in counseling someone back to health is - 'I don't know if I want to fall in love again, I don't ever want to get hurt that much again'. I find that amazing because LOVE is the only place we ever do that. When you were learning to ride your bicycle and you crashed, skinned your knee and as a child thought you were gonna die! and ten minutes later crawled onto that bike and did it all over again, even when crashing was a reality it never really crossed your mind not to try again. WHY?
Because you really wanted to ride a bike. And you knew you could learn how.

Love is the same! The only difference is.. you don't believe you can learn how to love without getting hurt all the time.
Why do you think you feel this way?

You never took any classes, courses, seminars that would help you learn. No one was/is there to hold onto the seat so you can get your balance.
But there is! We are called relationship coaches and I teach people how to become a coach as well as teach people how to PROPERLY fall in love.

Most of you are saying, what? Properly fall in love? What nonsense, but a few of you, 'get it' that we have never been taught how to love much less how to fall in love. My book, The Twenty, is all about how to properly find the love of your life. There is a process and a method and a methodology to our emotional needs. There is a method to our desires for ourselves and our happiness. We just have never known it.

Oh some of us have and have read and studied and learned and have fallen and gotten up and fallen again, that's all part of the process but the process for many of us has broken. And it's merely because we FEAR more then we WANT love. That fear comes from our lack of belief that we can LEARN about love enough to fall in love safely.
When you got back on your bike it was because you were encouraged and believed you would learn to ride safely. But think back to what your bike was all about. If your riding instructor would have gotten you a bike that was not right for you, how many times would you have crashed before you gave up trying to ride?
If your bike was a 26 inch huge bike and you couldn't even reach the pedals, after your first crash you would cry and say, nevermore! What if it was too small and your legs were all cramped and your knees stuck out funny... you would have given up. What if .. what if...
And that's exactly what has been happening in your love life all these years! You have not found the right bike! I mean PARTNER! and there has been no one to teach you how to select the right partner until now.

So now lets learn to fall in love safely.

Love will hurt at times. It will frustrate us at times. And it will be difficult at times. But the key to falling in love the right way is to first find out how to select the right partner.

Step number one is finding out what makes you happy. And realizing this will be your first step to an amazing journey and reduce your hurts as you learn what love is really all about.
Stop your hurt and start your journey.
or find me on FB and twitter toooo!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Romance is not dead!

I hear my clients talking about their frustration with finding a partner or with their current partner is that they don't FEEL loved. First of all I recommend reading THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES so you understand yourself and your partner. Without this basic understanding of yourself, yes, I hear all of you saying, I know who I am... well goody goody for you, I will stay advise you to read this book! (and of course my new book The Twenty)

Now back to the program~

Let's start with you. Are you doing all you can to fill your partners life with romance? With passion? With excitement? Do you know what trips their trigger? What makes them happy? What makes them feel loved? and if you KNOW their desires and are meeting them only then can you complain about not feeling romanced.

Now we get to talk about your romance. DO you sit across the table from your partner and share what you are feeling? Do you ask them about their needs? and then ask them to ask you about your needs?

I know what you are saying.. they don't want to ask me, they don't seem to care, they are not interested... then guess what? You have the wrong partner! Oops! Did I say that? If you are married, sometimes your relationship is more than romance and it is important to keep those things in perspective. Please.

The greatest challenge to not feeling romanced is that we have selected a partner who is not romantic. Look carefully for your partner before selecting one. Be wary for weeks and months that they are not being true to themselves and look for all the warning signs. Then and only then should you settle into a short term relationship with the full understanding that this person - in the long term - will not be the person you have been praying for.

Share, talk, do, accept, give accept and understand... then see if your love tank is being filled with the romance you need and desire.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Truth About LOVE

When most people think about love it is talked about in a very unreal experiential way. It is an unreal event happening in a real way and time. It is the quintessential form of flattery to fall in love with someone and to share that love.
But what is LOVE? Is it a feeling, an emotion, a cloud that cannot be measured or tested or touched? Love is a very real emotion but it is induced by a very unreal expectation.

When we think of love we think of a fairy-tale kind of experience. The la-te-da of emotions. The oh happy days of life.

But when we are experiencing love it is very real. typically painful. usually short lived, and seldom has the desired outcome in the long term event culminated by the emotions which we call, marriage!

So the next time you 'fall in love' remember that love is an emotion and can be affected by unreal or unrealized feelings that will lead us to often to a place where we will experience pain for having fallen in love.

Check out the new book called The Twenty, thing you need to learn in order to find the love of your life.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Long lasting love

What will make love long lasting? We all know about chemistry. We all know about infatuation. The passion of the moment stuff. But what makes love long lasting? What can you do after the lustful beginning to make love grow?

Well, first of all, let's talk about what the first lustful beginning might do? I might simply burn out. Have you ever met someone that seemed immediately to trip your trigger? Someone who really made you feel good and it sure seemed like this would develop into a long lasting relationship but after a few weeks or couple months... it just fizzled out?

Those relationships we cannot save. Those are based strictly on a chemistry type of thing and when that first wave of alcohol has burned off the outside of the relationship, there just isn't anything there to build upon.

So make sure as you start into a relationship that you give it TIME to develop and not be embarrassed with all of the passion and commitment just to have to admit several weeks later that you just aren't interested.

After you get to that point, we should start talking about what you can do to make your relationship last.
Because making it last is determined by what you are basing this relationship upon.

Drop me a note at

More on lasting in my next post. Blessings and hugs into your life. Sss

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Falling in love is easy

Falling in love is easy but finding the right partner is hard! So why is it so hard? because we lead with our hearts, our emotions, we lead with how someone looks and makes us feel. But are you on your best behavior when you first meet someone? Do you try hard to make them feel special?

Well so does your partner if they are even remotely trying to be a good partner.

So how do you make sure they are who they 'pretend' to be right from the start? There are lots and lots of ways but I train you in all of that in my new book, THE TWENTY about knowing the twenty things to find the love of your life and stop dating the wrong kind of people. It's a process of listening, learning and growing with a person. and of course asking the right series of questions.

So when you think you have found the love of your life... how will you know? Time. patience and knowledge... and the right techniques for learning all of that in the shortest possible time BEFORE you commit your heart.
Blessings into your search.