Friday, January 17, 2014
What seems to have been such an easy thing to do when we were young turns into a painstaking process for so many as we get older. The question I seem to get in my counseling and speaking engagements is, Steve, why is it so difficult to find the right person. And I hear a lot, I just gave up. So let's talk about why that is. Because when we were young we had very few real expectations: we thought we would just fall in love and live happily ever after. Is that how it worked out for you? For most of us that isn't even close. We have gone through at least one and often times two and three marriages or significant relationships. So? What went wrong? Nothing. We experienced what we needed to experience in order to grow to a place where we truly start a learning process. I know, sounds so trite doesn't it? But when we were young we just expected our marriages to work out and when we realized a marriage/relationship requires so much more than just emotion well, it was usually too late. I wrote The Twenty because everyone seems to be in that same boat of wanting but not getting a great long lasting relationship. So what can we do to find and have a great relationship? Obviously I could write another book about this but... what we can do is understand that we are looking for one special person who can be all that we are looking for (with a couple of exceptions of course). Be patient, be vigilant, be observant and MOST importantly, be willing to go outside of our comfort zone, be willing to change, adapt and grow to become a person who is able to have a great long lasting relationship. And by that I mean... you will have to become the person you are looking for and allow them to be the person they already are. Love them for who they are and change for who they need you to be. If BOTH people are doing this same thing imagine how wonderful your relationship would be? And of course the right person you are looking for will do what you need just like you will do what they need to make your relationship an extraordinary experience for a lifetime. So, what can you do to have a great relationship? Keep looking for the right person and stop trying to make the wrong person fit into your life. Steve~ firstname.lastname@example.org is a relationshuip coach and can help you through the difficult times of your life. Write and find out how he can make a difference in your life.