When I interview people for Love and Relationship work I seldom tell them I am interviewing them. Because when just talking the will tell me their true feelings.
I ask people, what is working in your relationship? What is not working? And I often ask why? On both questions. The answers are astounding by the simplicity and the box they will all fit in.
Why Love Doesn’t Always Work
What I hear are the reasons relationships don’t work as well as they should. I hear people say, their partners are not responsive to their needs. I hear why they think they shouldn’t have to tell their partners what they want. I hear them say they can’t talk about sex. I hear them say their partner doesn’t seem to care how they feel.
I hear people say why their last relationship ended and it’s almost always the other person's fault. They didn’t do this or that. They didn’t understand. They always did this. They started arguments. They wouldn’t do what they should.
I ask, what was your partners greatest strength? What was your partners greatest desire in life? What was their love language – made them feel most loved? And most cannot begin to describe these areas.
Now I ask you, what is your greatest desire in life? What makes you feel loved? What is your greatest strength? Can you answer these three things right now? Quickly now. Can you?
You see, one of our greatest challenges in our relationships is that we don’t know the answers to these questions. And therefore, we most certainly aren’t asking them of our partner.
We cannot fix what is not fixed in us. If we don’t know these answers then no one is asking us those questions either.
Tell me, what is love? Is it just that ‘feeling’ we get when we are around someone? Is it just how our bodies react to someone else’s body? Is it how they make us feel by how they compliment us? Touch us? Make love to us? Is that love? Because when I talk to people, that is what they tell me. Love is ‘that feeling!’
When I wrote the book on Love I learned in all of my interviews that it turned out to be so much more. Most of it was communication. Or the lack thereof.
We don’t know how to talk to one another. We have so many blocks, fears, hang-ups, that are ingrained in us that we often shut down rather than get uncomfortable. We shut the other person down also. One area is sex but there are so many areas where we just cannot talk openly about things. Money is a huge impediment. Imagine I am having financial problems but I can’t talk about it to anyone. It’s forbidden, off limits, non-negotiable. So what happens is we get caught up in our financial woes, start falling behind, and before you know it we are deep in the trouble of money. When possibly a nice easy conversation with some help or guidance could have eliminated all of that trouble to begin with.
Sex is for a whole nother discussion.
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