Yes, Santa, I have made some mistakes in love. My Christmas wish is ...

What do you want for Christmas this year? For many it is jewelry, clothes, toys. Most of us we want to be surrounded by people we love and who love us.

Maybe you are one of the many single people who just want to find that special someone. Someone who will fill up our stockings with joy and our hearts with love.

Christmas used to be such a basic part of our life. Was it for you? All you had to do when you were a kid was get excited, get more excited, and wake up and PRESTO! It was Christmas morning and there were gifts and family and laughter and food and love.

Then we grew up. Life got complicated.  Love seemed to fade away. We found years of love in a relationship and then even that went away. Now you might find yourself alone on Christmas and struggling. Asking, why am I alone again on Christmas.

If that is you, then simply say this...

My Christmas wish is to find the love of my life.

And that my friends is who you start this ball rolling so that you will now put into motion a series of happenings that will bring the love of your life into your life so that you won't be alone for Christmas.

I know, way too simple. Aw, Steve, you are saying - I've done that every year for the last five years! - I did that last year! - I'm not going to do that because that's stupid! - Steve, I'm not going to do that because I am done with love.

And I don’t' blame you. I bet I said that 50 times over the last ten years. I said things like, why do I even try! What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I find someone to love? 

And you have probably had disappointment after disappointment trying to find love. It's just easier to say, forget about it.

But you've never had an elf like me on your side before. If what you really want is to find the love of your life then what you really need is some great help. All great people have coaches, don’t' they? Every successful athlete has had a couple great coaches to teach them things they either didn’t know or to help them hone those skills they do have into a professional level skill.

Now you do to! Well, sort of, you do. 

So let's start with a Christmas wish that will become your mantra for love. Are you ready? Here's what I would like for you to say -  what I really want is to find that special someone I can call the love of my life - I know, but would you say it out loud? Even if it's a whisper... please? - What I really want is to find the love of my life -   ok?

Now that we have said it then you should subscribe to this blog because over the next few weeks I will be sharing with you new ideas, links to videos, podcasts and more information about how you will make that happen. How you will write to me one day and say, STEVE! I have found that special someone that loves me and that I can love. 

You see, that is one of my Christmas wishes... for you to find the love of your life.

Yes, Santa, we have all made mistakes and now I want to learn how to get past those mistakes, love myself, and find out how to love someone else and allow them to love me.

I believe in you. I believe that you believe in you too.

Now subscribe, please? And let's start this new year off right. With a great outlook and a new chance, yes, it's just a chance, that you will find the love of your life this year. 

I wrote the book The Twenty, which you can order off of my website or go to Amazon and download it as an eBook. It will help you start. It will make a difference to you. Then connect with me.

Let's make this an amazing year for so many great reasons. Love is one of them.

I am Steve Sapato, relationship coach, author and speaker wishing you an amazing new year.

www.stevesapato.com

The Dog that I call love.

The Dog that I call love.

Now what does that mean? Love is what you decide it is. Love for me is being and finding a partner that I will treat like a dog and they will do the same for me. I know, that offends some people because they want to jump to all kinds of conclusions.

But what I am hoping I have found and what I am hoping my partner has found is that amazing sweetness that a dog offers to you, unconditionally.

A partner who never takes offense even when you inadvertently hurt them. One who is always excited to see you. One who gets off of their chair when you get home just to give you kisses. And one who loves to snuggle and be near to you.

One who, when you leave, misses you and even if you are gone for a few minutes or a few days is just as excited that you came back!

One who looks at you with all the love in their hearts and offers that to you every day of their life until they take that last breath.

Yes, and I am offering that love that I call Dog.

And I hope you find the love you are looking for also.

Steve Sapato

Relationship Coach and mentor to help you find the love of your life. When you are ready to be coached to a great life in love drop Steve a note steve@stevesapato.com

and order The Twenty, things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life

http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Steve-Sapato/dp/098305570X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365737934&sr=1-1&keywords=the+twenty+by+steve+sapato

Ah Love~ is yours just like in the movies?

Don't you just love how the movies and stories portray love. Wheeeeee so wonderful. No problems ever. No one upset because someone looked at the wrong person the wrong way. No one upset because someone didn't take out the garbage or forgot to buy them flowers. No one perturbed (is that how you spell it?) because they disagreed about politics or which TV show to watch or which restaurant to go to for dinner, or why you didn’t bring me a glass of water when you got one for yourself. Ah yes, love~ Now explain to me what you think love is. Yes, what you think love is and why it is or isn’t working for you. What I have found from speaking with hundreds of people is that most of us have this ‘rose colored glasses’ view of love. Most people I speak with are angry at having failed at love and if you look at the cover of my book, The Twenty available on Amazon, the word love is crossed out and written again above it to signify how we have all been wrong in love before. And most of us are so stubborn that when we talk about how to love we say things like, ‘why do I have to change’, ‘why can’t someone love me just as I am’, or ‘I won’t change who I am for someone else’. What I do find oddly funny about those statements is that we are all in a constant state of change no matter how small or insignificant those changes might appear to be. The greatest change people need to make in their quest to find love is in the way in which we communicate. I always recommend two books, of course my book, The Twenty for single people but I talk about the most significant book I have ever read on relationships, one that I teach on in my seminars and that is, The Five love Languages by Gary Chapman. That book should be read by everyone because once you learn what your partners Love Language is and they learn yours it should be an easier task to offer and give them what makes them feel loved and that alone is a HUGE overcoming in any relationship. You make your partner feel loved and they can and probably will forgive most of your shortcomings as you will theirs. That feeling of being loved is such a rare feeling that most of us will give ourselves willing to that partner who once we love them and they make us feel that loved, well, the rest should be history. And therein lays the truth of communication. How we communicate, not just with our words, or our vocal tones, or our body language but with our hearts, souls and minds in offering them the truth, the proving our love by how we give them their love language, how we make them feel loved is the entire key to making your love, the love of your life and living ‘happily ever after’. I hope you do. I have.

Staying in love is hard

I understand your skepticism. I used to be a skeptic also. Then after years of training, seminars and personal learning I have come to the conclusion that OSMOSIS is alive and well in your head! I know, what does that mean, you are asking. Others might call it, subliminal messaging while others call it influence. Whatever you call it I will challenge you to prove me wrong, and that is that things you hear, read and people you hang with will completely influence your thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and FUTURES! Yes, I said your futures! So if what you are doing currently in your life and where you are headed in your life is where you are completely happy then keep doing what you have been doing. If you are not happy with where you are or where you are headed then ... guess what? You might need to change some things you are doing. I have been saying for decades that it's the things you read, the things you listen to and the friends you are hanging out with that will determine your future. That means that if you are hanging out with people who are not happy in their love lives you probably won't be either. If you are hanging out with people who are unhappy in their relationship you probably won't be either. Skeptical? Then don't just believe me, research by sociologist James H. Fowler found that if a sibling divorces, we are 22 percent more likely to get divorced ourselves. And when our friends get divorced, it’s even more influential: people who had a divorced friend were 147 percent more likely to get divorced than people whose friends’ marriages were intact. Divorce, it appears, is contagious. That was the very headline recently regarding a study from Brown University conducted in Framingham, MA—also by James H. Fowler, as well as Rose McDermott. The authors found that 75 percent of participants were more likely to get divorced if a friend was divorced, and 33 percent were more likely to end their marriage even if a friend of a friend got divorced. Here’s a link to Pew’s coverage of this study back in October 2013 Holy cow! Now you should be really rethinking who you are running around with? Ask yourself this, before you had the friends you currently have, were you happier in your relationship or unhappier? Maybe that will be a real eye opener for what is happening in your life. Maybe it will be a really good reason why you are feeling how you are feeling. When I am doing my seminars I am often asked, Steve, how can we stay in love and keep the feelings that we started with. Well, here is one key, hang out with people who are in love like you are in love. Hang out with people who are happy in their relationships. And if you have friends who are downers, guess what you should do? And of course I am asked, but these people are FAMILY! What now? And I still say, maintain the relationships with people who will help you enhance and grow your love and relationships. You may already have found that staying in love, holding onto the great relationship is hard. It can slip away so easily and if your friends or family members are not encouraging that love, affection and relationship by not being encouraging for their own, then guess what? Reduce the time you spend with them. Love is easy, staying in love is hard! I hope if you need support or guidance that you get it early and I will be happy to become one of your mentors and your relationship coach. Because~ I believe in you and I believe in LOVE! Blessings Steve Sapato steve@stevesapato.com

Love, Lust and Puppy Love~ what's the difference~

I recently posted on Facebook how it doesn't matter whether you are in love for two days or twenty years, whether you call is lust or love. What matters is that it feels so amazing that you are open to falling again! I had several people ask me the difference between Love and Lust and then I always insert "Puppy Love" into this conversation because so many people tell the young people that it's not a serious love that it's only puppy love. And yet, there are more teen suicides and violence because of unrequited love than for adults. So is it real love? Obviously it must be. Is it TRUE love, I would say no because true love should never be anything but giving and loving and happiness driven. And 'puppy love' is seldom understanding or giving but typically mostly selfish. When I recommend to people that they go have a great time I am reminded of all of the songs of the past that talk about "love the one you're with" or "just love somebody". Indicating anyone will do! and while on some level I might agree overall those kinds of things are not about love but mostly about sex. So what is the difference between love and lust? My explanation is typically, Love lasts longer while lust is much more superficial. Here's the catch. It isn't when you are going through it. Love and lust feel the same when you are experiencing them. As I interviewed people I had so many people say, "Looking back I now understand what I felt was lust." But many will still deny lust and swear it was love even though they are not feeling that same way towards that partner that they loved then. Lust can be so short and then we understand it is lust because our feelings are gone almost immediately. But for many, lust hangs on to them. So how can we tell the difference between love and lust? Well, lets start of by my reminding you that in my book, The Twenty, I describe how a good relationship might take two or three months to have sex. I know, most of you are screaming WHAT? No way! But all I intend in that is that before we jump into bed that we learn about one another, learn if we are attracted to the person and not the sex. If we laugh and find joy in the relationship and not just in the push and pull of diving into bed. I know for some of you, sex is a very serious endeavor but for others it's pretty routine. A couple dates and our hormones are craving satisfaction. And this IS where love and lust can be separated. If what we are feeling is genuine and loving then when we have sex, make love, fool around, whatever you might call it, we still have a desire moving forward to see that person. And maybe even the next time we see them we won't have sex but completely enjoy the relationship. But way too often, lustful sex leads to that wonderful encounter and the next day you are not even interested in that person. What? Why? How? When what we were feeling seemed so darn genuine. Yes, it is difficult to tell them apart in the beginning. There is another way. Love is about your partner. It always has been and always will be. Lust is all about self. A huge difference for some people but many people can't tell the difference because their idea of LOVE is all about self. Sexually it's all about how I feel and while I care about how my partner feels it is less important than how I feel. Love should always be about your partners happiness. What you can do for them, how you can make them happier by giving them their love language. How you have a need to see them smile, hear them laugh or, sexually, here their pleasure. Now does that help? Lust and Puppy Love are just as intense as falling in Love and maybe even more powerful and almost always short lived. While love can be just as emotionally charged, just as exciting and passionate and will be more fulfilling. Love lingers and keeps a smile on our face for a long long time while lust typically brings a completely different attitude and few smiles after the event. Now that you know the difference I hope you seek to understand love better and that you find that love you have been searching for. Blessings and love Steve Sapato steve@stevesapato.com facebook.com/stevesapato

Is Dating a lost art?

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With all of the online dating sites, all of the Meetup Groups, all of the options that are available to each and every person out there then why aren’t more of us finding the loves of our lives?

When dating sites first appeared it looked like they would take over the world for helping us find that special someone. Then we found that peoples human nature was not as honest as we believed; old photographs, misleading ages, completely untruthful profiles. Now we are so leery of those things that the “old” dating protocols have gone by the wayside also! We can no longer pick up our dates at the door because now they are afraid we will stalk them! When did that happen? and why didn’t someone beat the crap out of those perverts?

And now what about the actual DATE?

What does each of us expect from a date? What works, what doesn’t? I belong to several special groups and we talk about dating, how to get into a relationship, stay in a relationship or get out of a relationship. We talk about what to do when setting up the date, where people should go and it all is so subjective.

On my recent radio show we had a special guest, a woman with her own radio show and a call in where the man said I recently lost my job and have no money. Is it still ok to ask someone out on a date? The guest said she would not date a man without enough money to buy. The panel of men said he should take her to a place where money is not required. I said, don’t take a new woman out of you can’t afford to date her.

So what is right? I recently was the speaker at an event where the women were angry that men didn’t know how to be men and didn’t know how to plan a date. Didn’t know how to be ‘the man’ in the relationship and decide where they wanted to go on a date and they said men keep asking, ‘where would you like to go?’

The problem seems to be that we are just so set in our own ways. The problem is that we have such high expectations. The problem is that dating used to be simple. 

Now we have learned so much that we have complicated that entire process.

When I was young I would call up a girl, tell her my name and ask her out. When she accepted I would get her address and go pick her up. Then we would go bowling, dancing, dinner, a ball game, a friends house party, and it was always ok. We would demonstrate our personality in how we met and acted at her place, how we opened the door for her, how we respected her by how we looked, what we wore, what cologne we wore.

Now it’s meet at a public place to see if we look like out photo because so many people lie.

And yet, did we do our due diligence? Did you even know this was part of dating now? Did you Google me? Did you search the database to see if my name popped up on the rapist or child molester sites. Did you…. wait, what?

Yes, dating is much more complicated now because we don’t use our own intuition.

Intuition, that comes from allowing your senses to be at work. When you email with me, what questions do you ask? When you speak with me on the phone what are you really seeking to know?

I am asked at my seminars so many unbelievable questions. Some so simple they beg for me to slap the person who asked it. How do I ask if a person has been in jail or prison? How do I ask if they cheated on their spouse? How do I find out if they really work where they said they work?

Really? Really??  How about a simple, where did you say you work? and when they tell you, ask, some more. I.e. So for your job do you need to have business cards? Then ask for one. If they can’t produce it, red flag.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather a most complicated dance that you have to know and understand what you should learn in order to move to level two.

Dating is not any more complicated now than it used to be but we have become much less vigilant. We have allowed the electronic media to determine our thoughts. We need to go back to using our own senses. We need to ask the questions and listen for the voice inflections, the hesitations. We need to learn body language and how a question can create a certain response that we should recognize and a potential situation that we might need more information.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather it has become an art form all of it’s own.

For more information on dating come to a He Said/She Said Workshop in Tampa. The next workshop is October 24th at the DoubleTree Inn by the Airport in Tampa, FL. Register at www.westchasesinglesclub.com

http://www.stevesapato.com where you can find Steve for your coaching needs, relationship advice and dating information. Steve is an author, speaker and relationship coach. He also is a business management specialist with his own company Sapato Seminars, athttp://www.mentalprosperityblog.com

You can purchase his book, The Twenty on Amazon or on his website http://www.stevesapato.com

Love - It's all about them....

Today is THURSDAY! A day to finalize some things and make sure you are ready to finish things up on Friday so you can enjoy that weekend. One of those things is your partner... make sure you make them feel loved and appreciated. Make sure you are ready to make them smile on Saturday morning... a sweet surprise? A small gift? I wonderful adventure? Show them you love them by planning... yes, planning, something special.

When you plan something special you are telling them how much you care, how much you love them, how much you mean to them.

And when your partner understands that you care enough to plan then they will reciprocate with offering you things that will make you feel more loved also.

I know, but Steve, what if my partner doesn't do that? Why should I do that for them if they won't do that for me? What if they don't reciprocate? Why am I always the one doing all of this? When will they do it for me too?

And my answer has always been the same... do it because you understand love. Do it because you have read the Five Love Languages and really 'get it'. Do it because you love them. And I hope that you will feel better because you did that for them.

And if they don't reciprocate. If they don't do it for you. If they never will, never have, and don't... then know that you are sharing your love in a way that makes you feel good about being you. And, after all, loving yourself and being true to yourself is much of what life is all about.

Then, maybe one day, you will see a change in them or maybe one day they will meet someone like me who says, wow, you should be doing this for your partner. And maybe, one day, they will surprise you with a glimmer of what you have been giving to them.

But until they do? Remember to be you and love them the best way you know how. And smile because you are so amazing.   
P.S.  And remember guys, some ladies love coffee in bed or at least that you thought of them that much.

www.stevesapato.com   athor of The Twenty -relationship book and several other ebooks available on Amazon.com

You allow bad people or good people into your life

For almost 8 years I have been teaching people how to empower themselves. One of my greatest joys in life is teaching women how to empower themselves. I have women ask me, how can you, a man, teach a woman how to be empowered.

I love that question. Because it's so silly. Anyone can teach anyone else if they want to and are open to learning.
Last year at one of my events I had a woman who said she was feeling completely trapped. That she was constantly being pulled this way and that way and that she had no time to be herself. We shared and talked and at the end of day one she was certain she was learning and then she did it... she said she could not come back for the second day because her family needed her to drive and pick up and... and just like that she went right back to empower her family instead of herself.
And if that's what she loves, I say do it! But she just spent several hours sharing with us at different times how she didn't feel valued and felt taken advantage of because of how her family treated her.

You see, if you are not ready to hear a message even if you think you want to hear a message you will hear it but your old habits will pay it no attention.

I recently had a woman tell me that her boyfriend was jealous, controlling and at times, mean to her. I asked her if she liked the way he treated her and she said no. She said she didn't like it at all. And when I asked her what she planned on doing about it she replied, what can I do? I love him.

What do you think?  As a life coach, as a Professional Speaker in empowering yourself should I have set her down and told her what to do? How she should act? Why she shouldn't allow someone to treat her that way?

The answer is, NO! Notice that she did not invite my advice nor did she hire me for my advice. She did not ask what should I do, she merely said she did not like how he treated her but she loved him and therefore allowed him to treat her that way.

So it was truly none of my business.

You see we all allow things into our lives. I teach restaurants how to increase tips for their servers by giving amazing service in ways they have never thought of. And yet I watch customers ALLOW servers to treat them in a manner that is not exceptional. How many times have you or a friend said, my food isn't great and when the server came over and gave your their patented, 'so how is everything tonight folks?' speech you looked at each other and said, "Fine."  You ALLOWED that restaurant to give you less than great food and great service. Yet don't you go to a restaurant to get great food and great service? So why do you allow that to happen to you?
You see, we are all guilty at times of allowing others to treat us in a certain way.

I have the most perfectly respectable West Highland Terrier dog. I can take her anywhere and not leash her and she will stay right by me or if I am playing sand volleyball she will lay under a picnic table waiting for me to finish my game. Other players have brought their dogs but leashed them and when they bark and yelp during the game incessantly and the players will say to me, how do you get your dog to be like that?

And all I say is, I trained her. You see, she now treats me as I taught her to treat me and everyone around me. Respectably.

Do you know you train the people around you how you want to be treated by how you allow them to treat you? Your siblings, parents, children, friends and coworkers. They treat you exactly as you have taught them to treat you.
So if your significant other, your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner treats you badly it is because you have allowed them to treat you that way in the past.

How do you fix it? By empowering yourself to say, please don't treat me like that any more, That is unacceptable to me. I won't allow you to say, do that to me any more.And then take action on what you just said.

I look forward to you teaching people around you how amazing you are and that they should treat you, as you treat them, as i they are all, AMAZING.

www.stevesapato.com  and pick up my free ebook, This One Is For Me! on my site.

The AGE of sex~

So many questions from so many ladies about what makes a great relationship as we get older. This is the most difficult topic because we are dealing with established morals, long term experiences and the new conversations about how sex is so easy and accepted in elderly housing.

The greatest increase in STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) is occurring in nursing homes and elderly housing.

What can that mean? That when we reach a certain age if it feels good do it? Or does it mean that if we are allowed to just enjoy our bodies without fear of our surroundings it's ok?

The truth is, as we get older and we don't find emotionally satisfying relationships our desires do not diminish. For the most part it is the women who are the most frustrated by this. Recent surveys are showing that women over 60 are the highest category for buying personal electronic devices over the internet.

How can that be? How can all of our "beliefs" be this wrong? It's simple. In the past we heard something and we passed it on. Things like, 'men never ask for directions'. Of course that was not true. But we BELIEVED it because it was the joke. Now we are starting to understand that the old joke about men wanting sex more than women is simply not true. The truth is that women love sex and want more sex 'when it is performed correctly' than men.

A recent survey said that 77% of all women say their partners need to attend a class to become a better lover.
When I ask men about this study, 100% of all the men say something to the effect of, thank good I am not in that 77%!
We have a deny society. When what should be happening is the men should be saying, wow, I wonder if my partner thinks that? And then go home and ask. But they don't.

This indicates to me that there are many many women frustrated sexually and this might help to explain the rise in extramarital affairs among women over the last ten years.

So now back to the original question. What should single women over the age of sixty do about their needs.

The answer is not easy but it is simple. What are your needs? Who can fulfill them? And how do you go about that?

Most women over sixty were not taught about personal pleasure. They were taught to be a good wife and go along and not make waves and and and ... They were taught that their own pleasure in sex was not that important and in many cases that to pleasure yourself was a sin. Many older women have never experimented with their own bodies. Many have denied their own desires.

And now, as they are getting older they see more and more on TV and in the movies and they want more out of life. I recently finished an erotic novelette ebook called The Unintended Casanova on Amazon and the demand has been very good. The ladies who have written to me asking for the second novelette has surprised me and most are older women.

And several ladies have written to me asking about their own personal satisfaction. They have discussed having a huge sexual appetite and what they should do about it. I listen intently and offer my best advice but each one is such an incredibly different story. How they were brought up, what they were or were not allowed to do.

And my best advice is very simple.... I ask, what do you want to do.

And each one will share what they really want. And my question still comes back to, if you do that, how will that make you feel? And most do not know. Will they feel guilty? Will they feel cheep? and WHY? Is it their morals from a very old upbringing? Is it the stigma that their friends will think things about them? Are they afraid of being talked about, looked at... treated differently?

And those are the things that you must know in advance and prepare yourself to deal with if you decide that your own personal passions that are wanting to be set free need to come out and be acted upon.

Overcoming your 'training' is a very difficult thing. Overcoming you own conscience will be your greatest challenge.

But my greatest advice to you is this. If you know someone who needs to confide in you any of these types of feelings, please do not judge them, laugh or ridicule. Listen openly and without your own prejudices involved and allow them to truly express what they want as the reach toward the end of their sexual peak.

My relationship book is The Twenty and you can find it on my website www.stevesapato.com to help you pick the love of your life and stop dating the wrong people. I hope you find love and happiness in your life that will reach well into the future.

I have always been the person that people come to when they have a question about their relationship. I am not sure why. Something in me. Something I offer. But I also know that when I give I receive.

I have women ask me very personal questions. Intimate. Detailed.

But recently an acquaintance, someone that I would have entertained a relationship with at one time in my life and who has been in touch with me for a while stepped up to the plate and invited me to hear what she had to say to me.

You see, it was my turn to listen once again. But this time it was for me to listen with the intent to hear and not to respond or help.
This person proceeded to share with me that I had hurt her feelings once upon a time. And I, in my infinite wisdom could not even remember the conversation.

You see, what often times hurts another we do not see or even understand. She shared with me the entire conversation. She had either saved it in her journal or memorized it in her pain. I, in my wonderful lack of insight, had no recollection of the conversation. You see, to me, it was just a casual conversation, a place that I used as an example of how others say things they do not even know they say... and the strange part of that was, that was exactly what I had done to her.

She explained to me that in our conversations instead of being the loving, considerate and generous person she read on my facebook wall, that I was a hardnosed individual who had a need to be right, sometimes aggressive and often times rude.

Of course this hurt my feelings but sometimes it takes such an awakening to make us aware of our own shortcomings. This was one of those times.

Just learning that I had at one time hurt her feelings and upset her made me feel bad. I desire to help and hold up people and would not wish it known that I deliberately or with neglect had offended or hurt someone and seemed unkind or unloving. So just learning this from her already brought me pain.

To further learn that she thought I was the person who needed to be right, was flippant and uncaring, and even rude was a slap to my face.

One thing I have learned it that if someone genuinely comes to you with respect and with a good heart that they are saying what they felt. Even if I believe it was untrue they believed it was true. Now knowing this. who would you believe. Yourself? or the other person.

Most of us would say... we would believe ourselves. In this situation, because I know her heart, I believed her. And therefore realized I need to do some internal change upon myself.

I share this, not because I want to tell you all about me but because so many of us don't want to believe what others say about us. We have our own protective barriers up and we keep ourselves insulated against words that would hurt us or ridicule us or make us feel badly about ourselves.

That is normally a good thing because so many people do say careless and flippant things, even mean things that could hurt us.

But if you know someones heart. If you know their desire to be honest with you. And if you understand that we all make mistakes, then you will listen, even more, you will hear what the other person has to say. Take it to heart. And make changes.

If you have a partner and that partner comes to you, shares with you and offers themselves to you to try to help you understand something you did or it might have been something you didn't do but should have then you might find yourself in this situation.

A situation that requires you to be open and honest with yourself. And in this fashion it is your opportunity to become someone better than you were before they came to you.

I hope, that one day soon, someone you truly care about comes to you and helps you to become a better person.

After all, that is what love is. Sharing, caring and growing together.

Much love~
Steve
www.stevesapato.com

How important is Learning About Love...

How important is past experience? 

I am asked all the time how I wrote a book about finding a successful relationship when I am not involved in one.
I wrote, "The Twenty, things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life" as well as my management and motivational books. The Twenty is all about LEARNING, please note that in the subtitle. The things you need to learn.

But what I excel at is ideas. Crystallizing your thinking. Taking you from this thought process or this idea and offering you other ideas, other motivations, other concepts or sometimes just helping you clarify the idea you have to make it 'laser focused' I believe is the hot term for it today.

But you see, I have all of this information because I have had ALL of this experience. I have managed businesses from small and medium retail operations to being in management in major corporations.
I have owned companies that were me alone and me with 40 employees. I have worked with leaders who had great ideas but didn't have a clue how to implement them and other wealthy people who had no ideas but great desire to find something.
I win and help you win because I am completely open to everything that happens around me and yes, I have been right and I have been wrong.

I have worked in so many positions and industries it would make your head spin but that is also how I see things with such a different attitude than most other business leaders.

From the time I was a teen getting my first jobs I was stretched. I dipped ice cream for Baskin-Robbins, sold cosmetics at major department store counters, merchandised women's shoes for major retailers. I have turned companies around with simple ideas and improvements and watched my own fail because I couldn't raise enough capital to get to that place where I knew success was waiting.

I have dealt Craps as a River Boat gambler and slung hash at small town diners. Poured drinks at local pubs and sat with corporate CEO's and been invited to share my ideas about business. I have been a purchasing agent at Las Vegas Trade Shows for sporting goods and fashion clothing and International Food Shows for all of the amazing foods and beverages you can imagine.

The reason Mental Prosperity works, the reason my book The Twenty works, is because I am not afraid to ask questions. I interviewed over 2400 people for my book The Twenty to gain insights and information. It is how I deduced that the average attractive female on the dating site Match dot com receives forty times as many original emails as the average male. It is how I understand that because of this fact alone, many women are inundated with offers and cannot respond to all of the men writing and why the men are angry that the women don't respond. A major misinterpretation for communication on dating sights.

The reason Mental Prosperity is the key to your success is because we have filled our minds with information and neglected to use it when we need it. It is cataloged and moved around and through loss of focus we neglect the most important part of what makes us successful. The good things that happen to us.

It's all inside of us. I recently was sharing with someone who said she could not have a successful relationship because of her upbringing and abusive and hurtful treatment by her parents.
I merely asked, when did you move out? She said she was twenty when that happened and I asked how old she was now, sixty-one.
I pointed this out to her, you had twenty years of bad upbringing by your parents and forty one years of bad upbringing by constantly reliving that twenty years by you! Isn't it time you took control of your life and stopped being a victim? Do you want to find love? Do you want to find a partner? and she said yes! Now she is a client and moving forward in her life. No more excuses.

What makes Mental Prosperity work, what makes THE TWENTY work is the same thing that allowed me to write a book to help others discover a successful relationship and life. It is that what is in you is greater than what has happened to you but you have to take control of that force within you.

I believe in you. I believe you can be. And I want to help you to get there.

Fantasies and orgasms~

I recently read/watched an article about that spoke about how women use their minds while men use their bodies in making love. I don't know if I entirely agree with that.... if you were to read the first chapter of my erotic book that I am writing I think you would find that there are men like me out there who are completely into what happens in our minds creates that response and heightens orgasm.

But enough self serving rhetoric. The video went on to say how important the female mind was to your success in achieving orgasm. It also said that there are many women who fake orgasms and who do not achieve orgasm.

I have several speaker friends who are huge on speaking to women (and any man who will listen) about how the female orgasm can bring health and happiness to their lives.
There are videos on Youtube that discuss in great detail the female orgasm.

So then why do we have such huge walls built up that prevent us from talking about it, sharing about it and exploring it in every aspect?
Why do men and women not get down to the base instinct of this and really discuss it? Why fake it? Or is you are one who cannot have an orgasm I have read many many articles that state it is psychological. That it is ONLY your mind that prevents you from having an orgasm.

As I have started to write my erotic novel I have of course gotten over exuberant and shared it with others who I thought might appreciate it. Many for teaching me how to be a better write. others because they asked about it.
And what I have found is no different than all that I have found for the last decade of my life....

Most women are sexually repressed. I didn't say YOU so don't go getting all upset and write to me telling me all about how you are open and and and....
I only say this because in my writings, in my every day conversations, once we break that initial barrier of right and wrong, what your mores taught you, what your nun taught you, what is quote unquote socially acceptable...

Once a women opens herself to a small conversation about her own desires and shares a fantasy or two, then the flood gates have opened.

Once I can help a woman get past what I call her, Oh my god! stage then we can get down to actually finding out her real desires. Helping her to discover the real women that appears to have been bottled up and hiding back in the corner. I have had women call me after a truly intense conversation the day before and cry that they have violated their Christian values. That to even think about doing the things they talked about the night before were tearing them apart. And their guilt was huge upon them and they cry and sob and are lost.

We talk and share and I try to relieve them from their own guilt of merely talking about such things and try to leave the conversation as positive as possible.
And over the years, those same women will reconnect and share with me how that breakthrough changed their lives and their lovemaking and their happiness and joy. How once they learned that they even had these feelings by sharing, reading, talking about any fantasy with me that they learned about themselves. And once they got past their upbringings and the guilt those ideals had held over them, they were amazed at who they could now become.
How they could now share stories and fantasies and how along with that also came the openness to read more, watch more and talk more about their sex lives.
How many of them have gone from a life of few to no orgasms to a life filled with pleasure and orgasms that could now be achieved with little effort and no frustration.

And all of this merely brings me to the whole point of why I am here....

Learn who to share with your partner. Learn how to talk, explore, fantasize... and I don't mean you have to dress up like Little Bo Peep, I mean fantasies texted, written, emailed, tucked under a pillow, a fantasy from that last kiss before someone leaves the house.. but learn that communication and growth are the only ways you will achieve a complete and wonderful love that will last forever.

Don't close them off because their fantasy might be to extreme, because I share it does not mean I want to do it, but maybe just thinking about it will bring you to a place where love, passion, romance and making love will enhance every part of your relationship.

Now go ahead... subscribe to my blog. you can even go to my website and get a free eBook. Or buy my relationship book, The Twenty. or ask me about my new Chapter on the Unintended Casanova.  And most certainly, share this with your friends~  :)
https://www.stevesapato.com

giving yourself. That is hard

When I counsel people on their relationships many times I hear, 'but that's not who I am'. In the book, The Twenty, it talks about the selfishness of your new life. Being selfish while you are looking for the love of your life is not only understandable but required. Because you are looking for what makes you happy. Now after you find the person you have CHOSEN to give your heart to that is the time to become completely unselfish.

You need to understand that love, real love, is giving yourself to your partner to make them happy. And that is hard.

So many times I hear people say I shouldn't have to change to make them happy. They should love me just the way I am. If I give 100% that is enough. But here is my visual... put both your hands together, palms facing, fingers straight up. You can give each hand to another, 100% committment and they push against each other, forming a type of bond. But pull them apart and they come apart easily.

Now if one hand were to interlink fingers an grasp the other then you have a bending and accepting side that is giving and offering additional strength to the union. But if the other hand does not wrap itself around then you only have a one sided union. This union can make the one side feel trapped if it tries to break free or move away and yet it is still a stronger bond than the two hands facing and touching without grapsing.

But if BOTH hands wrap around one another and truly desire to hold on, this becomes an almost unbreakable grasp.

This does not change the concept of the hand but it certainly requires completely different us of the hand, just as giving yourself to your partner does not change the basic you but does change how you act, react, and what you do in order to keep the bond strong and unbreakable.

Giving yourself is very hard to do IF you are unwilling to offer yourself, to change yourself or to become different in your behavior in how you offer yourself to your partner.

Love is easy, relationships are hard.

Steve Sapato wrote the relationship book, The Twenty, is an author, speaker and coach. You can reach Steve at www.stevesapato.com

The trouble with LOVE

How many of us would like to be in love right now? How many of us are going out on the town hoping to find that special someone who will fill our hearts with joy and make our hearts skip a beat every time they walk into the room?
The trouble with love is that most of us don't understand it.
Gary Chapman in his newsletters says that PASSIONATE love does not last. I would like to argue that with him but from my personal experience, my passionate love never stopped, but hers did. So I can only argue one sidedly and that does not make for a loving relationship.

The trouble with love is that it takes TWO PEOPLE to make a relationship. TWO!
My book, THE TWENTY, is all about how to stop dating the wrong kinds of people and to find the love of your life and it defines how when we finally do find the love of our life it should last forever!
But, finding the other part of our equation seems a lonely and daunting task.
The trouble with love is that it's not up to us! If it was just up to me I would have already settled into a relationship of love and passion but it seemed like my partner had other ideas! One that did not include me!
On the surface that seems unfortunate but I do know that if they did not choose me then that relationship was not meant to be.
No hard feelings, no challenges, just love for their choice.

So the next time you find someone of interest, know that they might love you for a while and you might love them, but how to keep the PASSIONS alive and forever, you need a forever partner who wants that toooo!

Blessings into your search!
www.stevesapato.com
www.thetwentybook.com

Want to find the love of your life?

Would you like to find the love of your life?

When most people are asked if they would like to find the love of their life they answer with –yeah, right! We have stopped believing in the love of your life. We want it, we desire it, we even talk about, write about it and make movies about it… but most of us don’t believe it. Why?
We have faced the reality of broken hearts and lost loves and we have become calloused

But what if you could plan for it? What if you could increase your chances from not-a-chance-in-hell to better than 50/50 that the next person you give your heart to will be your one-in-a-million?

It’s all possible if you know the secrets to finding The ONE.

Yup, this is a plug! My new book, The TWENTY (things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life).

Send your lonely and frustrated friends to my website to order it NOW! You will love it!
www.stevesapato.com

Blessings into your search
Steve

What keeps passion alive?

Welcome to Steve's Blog
Passion
Steve Sapato: Posted on Sunday, September 19, 2010 9:27 PM
I believe that what creates passion in our lives is our own desire to know more... more about this person, more about this topic, more about... the reason passion wanes in our relationship is because we have stopped wanting to know more and believe and take for granted the one we think we know. Fire up the passion by learning more about your partner. Think you know them well? Try going into separate rooms and writing down your top ten goals for 1) Family- what you want to do 2) Travel - where you want to go, see and do 3) Home - what you want your home to look like, contain, become 4) Money- how much you want, how you will achieve it, save it, spend it 5) Become - what YOU want to achieve in your life personally, education? Job? romance? travel? profession


then come back into the room in 20 minutes and compare. Never never never make fun of their list, or ridicule their list, or negate what they want. Just learn about your partner and create the passion again.

www.stevesapato.com

Love is finding something within another

I love this story but it brings up so many questions to me? So before you start this story... think of this... when you fell in love with your partner you had all of these loving and romantic beliefs in them. Over the years one or both have lost that amazement.

Now read this wonderful story and think of your love and how you are loved... who is noticing? Who is not...
www.stevesapato.com



PERCEPTION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule. About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world.
He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?