Love and Christmas? I yust go nuts at Chreestmas~

I yust go nuts at Creestmas…  A Love Story

A Svedish play on words. I know, bad pun … but then, Christmas is supposed to be fun, joyous and yet religious.

But for many of us it’s also a time for reflection and loneliness.

Love is an elusive quantity for so many people. We seek and we search and we hope and we cry.  And one of the most frequent questions I hear is, why is it so hard to find someone to love.

That is not the question tho is it. The question is, why is it so hard for us to find someone who can love us the way we need to be loved and who we can love the way they need to be loved.

AH! Now you are getting it! When we were young we didn’t even have to think about love. It just pounced on us! Literally sometimes! We could go from one boyfriend or girlfriend to another in no time at all. Songs were written like, Make a Choice Between her and her sister! That’s how easy love was back then. Not because love was easy but because we fell in love so easily. We didn’t worry about whether it was going to last. We assumed it would because, after all, love would last forever! That’s what all the songs said, the movies showed and… well that was our expectation.

Today? Different story. Reality has beaten us up. The reality of love is that it takes more than just a feeling to make it last. As I wrote my book, The Twenty in all of my interviews I learned that love is never enough. And now that we know this and now that we understand how rare TRUE love is we are almost afraid of even trying. Disappointments litter our past like clouds fill the sky on a rainy day.  What should we do? 

Should we remain in our own fear? Hide out in our own lives and never try to love again?

What are you doing? Is it working?

Here is my solution. It seems to be working for many people and I hope it will work for you.

We stop dwelling.

Yes. Stop dwelling on the evils, negatives, PAIN of the past and start dwelling on those things that were good.

In nearly every relationship there are some good things, some good times and some good that comes out of it. We need to start remembering and dwelling on the good things that happened in that or those relationships.

I had one woman come to me for counseling and in the counseling all she could say was that when her partner ended their two year relationship all she could tell me was that her partner had been using her for sex. No matter what else we talked about she was adamant on the fact that for two years he used her for sex. I asked if they had done things together and had done fun things. She said of course. I asked if it was possible for someone to reach a place where they knew that the person they were dating was probably not the right person for them to spend their life with. She said yes.

But every time she came back to ‘but he was using me for sex’. I even asked her if she enjoyed the sex, if she initiated sex at times and if she was happy with how frequently they had sex. She said yes to all of these questions. So I asked if she might not have been using him for sex? She was horrified… no, I loved him! Was her response.

I asked, wasn’t it possible that he thought he loved her and then found he didn’t?

She said no, he only was using me for sex.

After several more sessions she was finally able to see some of the good things in what he did. She actually came around to realizing that he had done the right thing when he faced her and told her he was not happy in the relationship and that he was ending it.

She stayed a client for several months and learned a lot about herself and how she needed to change her way of thinking about love and relationships. Over the years she had shared with me how she had needed to break a couple guys hearts because she had found they were not the right man for her. At last, she was understanding completely.

Last year I got a note from her and she has found a new love and was planning a marriage. How exciting for her. Three years after thinking she was being used she now realized what real love was and how it was finally going to work for her. She expressed how Christmas had become a time of rejoicing and love and no longer a time for being alone and sad.

If you just go nuts at Christmas because you are feeling alone and sad, please, remember that once upon a time most of us have known love and romance. And that Christmas should be a time to celebrate the love of a higher power and revel in the wonderful things that other people share about their lives.

Be happy for them, share your time with others that are alone and always always always be up beat and positive to help others get through this time of the year when they might be feeling a little down.

Be the light, be the beacon, be the love that motivates the season.

Love and hugs~ Steve Sapato   www.stevesapato.com

Is Dating a lost art?

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With all of the online dating sites, all of the Meetup Groups, all of the options that are available to each and every person out there then why aren’t more of us finding the loves of our lives?

When dating sites first appeared it looked like they would take over the world for helping us find that special someone. Then we found that peoples human nature was not as honest as we believed; old photographs, misleading ages, completely untruthful profiles. Now we are so leery of those things that the “old” dating protocols have gone by the wayside also! We can no longer pick up our dates at the door because now they are afraid we will stalk them! When did that happen? and why didn’t someone beat the crap out of those perverts?

And now what about the actual DATE?

What does each of us expect from a date? What works, what doesn’t? I belong to several special groups and we talk about dating, how to get into a relationship, stay in a relationship or get out of a relationship. We talk about what to do when setting up the date, where people should go and it all is so subjective.

On my recent radio show we had a special guest, a woman with her own radio show and a call in where the man said I recently lost my job and have no money. Is it still ok to ask someone out on a date? The guest said she would not date a man without enough money to buy. The panel of men said he should take her to a place where money is not required. I said, don’t take a new woman out of you can’t afford to date her.

So what is right? I recently was the speaker at an event where the women were angry that men didn’t know how to be men and didn’t know how to plan a date. Didn’t know how to be ‘the man’ in the relationship and decide where they wanted to go on a date and they said men keep asking, ‘where would you like to go?’

The problem seems to be that we are just so set in our own ways. The problem is that we have such high expectations. The problem is that dating used to be simple. 

Now we have learned so much that we have complicated that entire process.

When I was young I would call up a girl, tell her my name and ask her out. When she accepted I would get her address and go pick her up. Then we would go bowling, dancing, dinner, a ball game, a friends house party, and it was always ok. We would demonstrate our personality in how we met and acted at her place, how we opened the door for her, how we respected her by how we looked, what we wore, what cologne we wore.

Now it’s meet at a public place to see if we look like out photo because so many people lie.

And yet, did we do our due diligence? Did you even know this was part of dating now? Did you Google me? Did you search the database to see if my name popped up on the rapist or child molester sites. Did you…. wait, what?

Yes, dating is much more complicated now because we don’t use our own intuition.

Intuition, that comes from allowing your senses to be at work. When you email with me, what questions do you ask? When you speak with me on the phone what are you really seeking to know?

I am asked at my seminars so many unbelievable questions. Some so simple they beg for me to slap the person who asked it. How do I ask if a person has been in jail or prison? How do I ask if they cheated on their spouse? How do I find out if they really work where they said they work?

Really? Really??  How about a simple, where did you say you work? and when they tell you, ask, some more. I.e. So for your job do you need to have business cards? Then ask for one. If they can’t produce it, red flag.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather a most complicated dance that you have to know and understand what you should learn in order to move to level two.

Dating is not any more complicated now than it used to be but we have become much less vigilant. We have allowed the electronic media to determine our thoughts. We need to go back to using our own senses. We need to ask the questions and listen for the voice inflections, the hesitations. We need to learn body language and how a question can create a certain response that we should recognize and a potential situation that we might need more information.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather it has become an art form all of it’s own.

For more information on dating come to a He Said/She Said Workshop in Tampa. The next workshop is October 24th at the DoubleTree Inn by the Airport in Tampa, FL. Register at www.westchasesinglesclub.com

http://www.stevesapato.com where you can find Steve for your coaching needs, relationship advice and dating information. Steve is an author, speaker and relationship coach. He also is a business management specialist with his own company Sapato Seminars, athttp://www.mentalprosperityblog.com

You can purchase his book, The Twenty on Amazon or on his website http://www.stevesapato.com

Love - It's all about them....

Today is THURSDAY! A day to finalize some things and make sure you are ready to finish things up on Friday so you can enjoy that weekend. One of those things is your partner... make sure you make them feel loved and appreciated. Make sure you are ready to make them smile on Saturday morning... a sweet surprise? A small gift? I wonderful adventure? Show them you love them by planning... yes, planning, something special.

When you plan something special you are telling them how much you care, how much you love them, how much you mean to them.

And when your partner understands that you care enough to plan then they will reciprocate with offering you things that will make you feel more loved also.

I know, but Steve, what if my partner doesn't do that? Why should I do that for them if they won't do that for me? What if they don't reciprocate? Why am I always the one doing all of this? When will they do it for me too?

And my answer has always been the same... do it because you understand love. Do it because you have read the Five Love Languages and really 'get it'. Do it because you love them. And I hope that you will feel better because you did that for them.

And if they don't reciprocate. If they don't do it for you. If they never will, never have, and don't... then know that you are sharing your love in a way that makes you feel good about being you. And, after all, loving yourself and being true to yourself is much of what life is all about.

Then, maybe one day, you will see a change in them or maybe one day they will meet someone like me who says, wow, you should be doing this for your partner. And maybe, one day, they will surprise you with a glimmer of what you have been giving to them.

But until they do? Remember to be you and love them the best way you know how. And smile because you are so amazing.   
P.S.  And remember guys, some ladies love coffee in bed or at least that you thought of them that much.

www.stevesapato.com   athor of The Twenty -relationship book and several other ebooks available on Amazon.com

Finding love through fear

Once I thought everyone wanted the same romantic relationship as I did, then I started listening, learning, reading and studying. Now I understand how fragile we all are, how any pain sends most people running into the recesses of their minds and they won't share their real feelings. Fear. Hurt. So now I write from the thousands I have learned from and hope to help you find the person that will help you blossom into the person and with the love you were meant to share.   www.stevesapato.com    www.facebook.com/stevesapato

You allow bad people or good people into your life

For almost 8 years I have been teaching people how to empower themselves. One of my greatest joys in life is teaching women how to empower themselves. I have women ask me, how can you, a man, teach a woman how to be empowered.

I love that question. Because it's so silly. Anyone can teach anyone else if they want to and are open to learning.
Last year at one of my events I had a woman who said she was feeling completely trapped. That she was constantly being pulled this way and that way and that she had no time to be herself. We shared and talked and at the end of day one she was certain she was learning and then she did it... she said she could not come back for the second day because her family needed her to drive and pick up and... and just like that she went right back to empower her family instead of herself.
And if that's what she loves, I say do it! But she just spent several hours sharing with us at different times how she didn't feel valued and felt taken advantage of because of how her family treated her.

You see, if you are not ready to hear a message even if you think you want to hear a message you will hear it but your old habits will pay it no attention.

I recently had a woman tell me that her boyfriend was jealous, controlling and at times, mean to her. I asked her if she liked the way he treated her and she said no. She said she didn't like it at all. And when I asked her what she planned on doing about it she replied, what can I do? I love him.

What do you think?  As a life coach, as a Professional Speaker in empowering yourself should I have set her down and told her what to do? How she should act? Why she shouldn't allow someone to treat her that way?

The answer is, NO! Notice that she did not invite my advice nor did she hire me for my advice. She did not ask what should I do, she merely said she did not like how he treated her but she loved him and therefore allowed him to treat her that way.

So it was truly none of my business.

You see we all allow things into our lives. I teach restaurants how to increase tips for their servers by giving amazing service in ways they have never thought of. And yet I watch customers ALLOW servers to treat them in a manner that is not exceptional. How many times have you or a friend said, my food isn't great and when the server came over and gave your their patented, 'so how is everything tonight folks?' speech you looked at each other and said, "Fine."  You ALLOWED that restaurant to give you less than great food and great service. Yet don't you go to a restaurant to get great food and great service? So why do you allow that to happen to you?
You see, we are all guilty at times of allowing others to treat us in a certain way.

I have the most perfectly respectable West Highland Terrier dog. I can take her anywhere and not leash her and she will stay right by me or if I am playing sand volleyball she will lay under a picnic table waiting for me to finish my game. Other players have brought their dogs but leashed them and when they bark and yelp during the game incessantly and the players will say to me, how do you get your dog to be like that?

And all I say is, I trained her. You see, she now treats me as I taught her to treat me and everyone around me. Respectably.

Do you know you train the people around you how you want to be treated by how you allow them to treat you? Your siblings, parents, children, friends and coworkers. They treat you exactly as you have taught them to treat you.
So if your significant other, your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner treats you badly it is because you have allowed them to treat you that way in the past.

How do you fix it? By empowering yourself to say, please don't treat me like that any more, That is unacceptable to me. I won't allow you to say, do that to me any more.And then take action on what you just said.

I look forward to you teaching people around you how amazing you are and that they should treat you, as you treat them, as i they are all, AMAZING.

www.stevesapato.com  and pick up my free ebook, This One Is For Me! on my site.

Mental Prosperity and Steve Sapato Seminars

Sapato Seminars

When success is important to you.

Love sucks~ and other great ideas

Love sucks and other great ideas! When I talk to some people they talk about love like it's the worst thing that ever happened to them and it probably is.

When people come away from love with such a bad attitude about love then all I can say is, they don't understand love. I have interviewed hundreds of people and couples about love: the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have interviewed people who lost the love of their life to death and they still talk about love with magic on their tongues. I have talked to people who lost the love of their life because something went wrong in their relationship and they still talk about love with delight. And I have talked to people who have lost the love of someone they loved because something went wrong and all they can do is talk badly about their partner or badly about love and how love sucks. They talk about how it can't be trusted, and the pain of promises made and the promises broken.

What we find is that love is love. That's all. Love is love and has nothing whatsoever to do with how you were treated, what happened to you or how you feel. The fact that something happened to end the love someone felt towards you is no ones fault. There is no blame. There is no fault. There is only an end to that relationship.

What always surprises me is that some people will always blame someone else for losing that love or falling out of love or lying to them about being in love.

What always surprises me is that some people need to blame someone for love ending. Instead of reveling in the love that they have felt, instead of delighting in the memories they enjoy they instead need to blame and hurt and hold onto the pain that they feel when it ends.

Love will always end in life. For some of us we will love until we die. But when someone dies the physical love they shared with another "dies" also. And the person being loved may never feel that love again except in mental or emotional way. And we seem to understand that.

But when someone else falls out of love with us many of us never understand. Never forgive. Never get over it.

Sad for those who hold onto their pain. Sad that they have the opportunity to love again but because of their own inability to forgive they may never truly share love with someone else again.

For LOVE is a shared emotion when it is between people who are looking for that loving connection. And when one is not complete because they have not forgiven a past failure in love then they are not whole or complete enough to be able to share their broken love with anyone else.

Yes, they might try and you may even be the recipient of this broken love and it will never be complete. It will never fill the void that they have left in their own hearts no matter how much love you offer them.

So when you look to fall in love make sure that it is with someone who is complete. Who has forgiven all past relationships, broken promises and failed loves.

Time can be a great healer but your ability to forgive your old lover as well as forgive yourself are the true keys to finding a new and improved love of your life.

Buy my book The Twenty on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098305570X/ref=cm_pdp_wish_itm_img_4

The AGE of sex~

So many questions from so many ladies about what makes a great relationship as we get older. This is the most difficult topic because we are dealing with established morals, long term experiences and the new conversations about how sex is so easy and accepted in elderly housing.

The greatest increase in STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) is occurring in nursing homes and elderly housing.

What can that mean? That when we reach a certain age if it feels good do it? Or does it mean that if we are allowed to just enjoy our bodies without fear of our surroundings it's ok?

The truth is, as we get older and we don't find emotionally satisfying relationships our desires do not diminish. For the most part it is the women who are the most frustrated by this. Recent surveys are showing that women over 60 are the highest category for buying personal electronic devices over the internet.

How can that be? How can all of our "beliefs" be this wrong? It's simple. In the past we heard something and we passed it on. Things like, 'men never ask for directions'. Of course that was not true. But we BELIEVED it because it was the joke. Now we are starting to understand that the old joke about men wanting sex more than women is simply not true. The truth is that women love sex and want more sex 'when it is performed correctly' than men.

A recent survey said that 77% of all women say their partners need to attend a class to become a better lover.
When I ask men about this study, 100% of all the men say something to the effect of, thank good I am not in that 77%!
We have a deny society. When what should be happening is the men should be saying, wow, I wonder if my partner thinks that? And then go home and ask. But they don't.

This indicates to me that there are many many women frustrated sexually and this might help to explain the rise in extramarital affairs among women over the last ten years.

So now back to the original question. What should single women over the age of sixty do about their needs.

The answer is not easy but it is simple. What are your needs? Who can fulfill them? And how do you go about that?

Most women over sixty were not taught about personal pleasure. They were taught to be a good wife and go along and not make waves and and and ... They were taught that their own pleasure in sex was not that important and in many cases that to pleasure yourself was a sin. Many older women have never experimented with their own bodies. Many have denied their own desires.

And now, as they are getting older they see more and more on TV and in the movies and they want more out of life. I recently finished an erotic novelette ebook called The Unintended Casanova on Amazon and the demand has been very good. The ladies who have written to me asking for the second novelette has surprised me and most are older women.

And several ladies have written to me asking about their own personal satisfaction. They have discussed having a huge sexual appetite and what they should do about it. I listen intently and offer my best advice but each one is such an incredibly different story. How they were brought up, what they were or were not allowed to do.

And my best advice is very simple.... I ask, what do you want to do.

And each one will share what they really want. And my question still comes back to, if you do that, how will that make you feel? And most do not know. Will they feel guilty? Will they feel cheep? and WHY? Is it their morals from a very old upbringing? Is it the stigma that their friends will think things about them? Are they afraid of being talked about, looked at... treated differently?

And those are the things that you must know in advance and prepare yourself to deal with if you decide that your own personal passions that are wanting to be set free need to come out and be acted upon.

Overcoming your 'training' is a very difficult thing. Overcoming you own conscience will be your greatest challenge.

But my greatest advice to you is this. If you know someone who needs to confide in you any of these types of feelings, please do not judge them, laugh or ridicule. Listen openly and without your own prejudices involved and allow them to truly express what they want as the reach toward the end of their sexual peak.

My relationship book is The Twenty and you can find it on my website www.stevesapato.com to help you pick the love of your life and stop dating the wrong people. I hope you find love and happiness in your life that will reach well into the future.

EVOLVE~

What Evolved Women Want

WAIT FOR A MAN WHO'S DONE THE WORK

While most women have a natural urge to be nurturing and supportive, relationships are not the place for a man's therapy.

Rescuing a man, even supporting a man who's struggling to find himself or move beyond feelings of insecurity and insignificance will almost certainly set you up to be seen in a motherly role, rather than the one he adores and desires to ravish.

Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Anthony Weiner were all partnered with magnificently supportive women.

No matter how exceptional his gifts, no matter what his potential, if a man hasn't completed his personal work before the relationship it's hard to win his passion once you've allowed yourself to take on the role of his healer and confidant.

Wait for a man who chooses you rather than the man who needs you.

Graham R White

The man of your dreams is not...

This is a great email from Rori Raye.

The Man Of Your Dreams Wants To Be Your Hero, But You're Not Going To Get Him Unless You Do This... Steve, There are so many new television shows that portray dating and relationship today as something brutal. That men don't care, that women have to throw themselves at men to get their attention, that porn consumes them all and that we just can't compete unless we become sex slaves - willing to do anything and everything to beat out other women. At first, I felt horrible. Oh my goodness, I asked myself - am I spreading false hope? Are there really no good men out there, and no such thing as a "mature," "real" relationship - as I talk about it in all my programs? And Then I Realized... I know at least 5 GREAT men who are unattached. And that's just in my IMMEDIATE, SMALL circle - I probably know many more if I thought about it. And - the truth is, I hardly know any women to fix them up with... I fixed one guy up with two women - and he liked and dated them both... and they both didn't choose HIM! And not because they didn't like him. Not because they weren't attracted to him, or thought he was a great guy. Find Out Exactly Why You Keep Attracting Heartbreak If you're feeling frustrated that you haven't met a man yet who'll stick to you like glue, light your inner fire, and be a great life partner for you - I know how you feel. I was in that space for a very, very long time. All I knew was men who were "friends with benefits," or bad boys who thought I'd be okay with a one-night-stand. I even "lowered my standards" and spent way too long involved with what I thought was a "nice, stable guy" who wanted me forever. Until I discovered - in the most humiliating way - that I wasn't "his type." If you've ever been through this, and want it all to stop and instead believe (and see it come true for you) that there are good men all over the place who actually are READY for a real relationship, and want one with YOU - you'll want to check out my Toxic Men program: Try "Toxic Men" One was looking for a "perfect man" that meant her total checklist, and one was really looking for a "bad boy." And she knew it. We're The Problem, Not Men I really believe that. We choose wrong. I truly believe that on some deep level, we hate ourselves so much and want to punish ourselves so much, that we choose men to hit us over the head with their behavior. And I just think it now might be easier to FIND those men! Of all the men I know - NONE of them would rather watch porn than be with a real, live woman. They're all frightened of real, in the flesh women, actually. They may have visions of supermodels dancing in their heads - but really - they respond to warmth and love and touch. They respond to appreciation. What It's Like Being A Man Today Men feel so beat over the head these days - surpassed by women in so many areas, struggling with cultural issues, struggling with their own sense of personal power, struggling with the dynamics of relationship and the relationships they had with their mothers. But so many men you see all over TV - and writers you read, and businessmen you hear of and read about - are happily married. They are happy to BE married. They don't want to NOT be married. So many men stick around in marriage even when they aren't getting what they need. How We Confuse Chemistry With True Intimacy Intimacy is such a scary thing for most people, that we naturally want to get it all confused with "chemistry" - and so pick the wrong men and stay attached to them. We think of sex in the wrong way - as though it's what STARTS off a relationship - when actually, passion and physical connection comes from a place that is NOT created from looks and personality, but from the willingness to connect to passion no matter WHAT'S getting in the way. No matter the anger, no matter the fatigue, no matter the distance, no matter the doubt, no matter what. If you can connect to passion in you - you can feel it with any man who's simply THERE. But we don't see it that way: We see ourselves as objects, and so we seek out men who see us as objects. We see ourselves as "conveniences" and so we seek out men who see us as conveniences. We see a man who adores us as somehow "wrong." We confuse chemistry with intimacy and don't see that it works the other way around. Shifting Your Perception Of Attraction... And Getting Real Love Have you ever met a man you wouldn't give a second look to, and then all of a sudden you saw other women lining up for him, or found out he had money or power or huge intellect, or was respected by someone else - and then all of a sudden he got "attractive"? Well, what if you found a man attractive for just being available and interested and wanting a real, live woman in his bed and his life? I mean - that's a pretty heroic place for a man to be. If he's available, if he wants you, if he knows what "forever" means and wants that, too - then he IS heroic! Let's start from THOSE men, and DITCH all the others. Men Who Want To Love You Are The Real Heroes When we start ditching these other kinds of men who aren't interested in real live love - they will wake up. When they can't get sex with real live women, they'll get tired of cyber ones and photos. Or - we'll begin to elevate the men we haven't given a chance to hero status, and there will be a whole new model for what love and relationship look like. For now - look for the unconventional man: Ditch the bad boys. Ditch the hard-to-get. Ditch the distant, the unavailable, the porn-addicted, the confused. Ditch any man who isn't "into you" the way you want. Ditch your romantic fantasies and make up new ones. Look at the men who are your "friends" who want more. Stop judging men by their covers. Work on being extraordinary and LOVING your extraordinariness.

I have always been the person that people come to when they have a question about their relationship. I am not sure why. Something in me. Something I offer. But I also know that when I give I receive.

I have women ask me very personal questions. Intimate. Detailed.

But recently an acquaintance, someone that I would have entertained a relationship with at one time in my life and who has been in touch with me for a while stepped up to the plate and invited me to hear what she had to say to me.

You see, it was my turn to listen once again. But this time it was for me to listen with the intent to hear and not to respond or help.
This person proceeded to share with me that I had hurt her feelings once upon a time. And I, in my infinite wisdom could not even remember the conversation.

You see, what often times hurts another we do not see or even understand. She shared with me the entire conversation. She had either saved it in her journal or memorized it in her pain. I, in my wonderful lack of insight, had no recollection of the conversation. You see, to me, it was just a casual conversation, a place that I used as an example of how others say things they do not even know they say... and the strange part of that was, that was exactly what I had done to her.

She explained to me that in our conversations instead of being the loving, considerate and generous person she read on my facebook wall, that I was a hardnosed individual who had a need to be right, sometimes aggressive and often times rude.

Of course this hurt my feelings but sometimes it takes such an awakening to make us aware of our own shortcomings. This was one of those times.

Just learning that I had at one time hurt her feelings and upset her made me feel bad. I desire to help and hold up people and would not wish it known that I deliberately or with neglect had offended or hurt someone and seemed unkind or unloving. So just learning this from her already brought me pain.

To further learn that she thought I was the person who needed to be right, was flippant and uncaring, and even rude was a slap to my face.

One thing I have learned it that if someone genuinely comes to you with respect and with a good heart that they are saying what they felt. Even if I believe it was untrue they believed it was true. Now knowing this. who would you believe. Yourself? or the other person.

Most of us would say... we would believe ourselves. In this situation, because I know her heart, I believed her. And therefore realized I need to do some internal change upon myself.

I share this, not because I want to tell you all about me but because so many of us don't want to believe what others say about us. We have our own protective barriers up and we keep ourselves insulated against words that would hurt us or ridicule us or make us feel badly about ourselves.

That is normally a good thing because so many people do say careless and flippant things, even mean things that could hurt us.

But if you know someones heart. If you know their desire to be honest with you. And if you understand that we all make mistakes, then you will listen, even more, you will hear what the other person has to say. Take it to heart. And make changes.

If you have a partner and that partner comes to you, shares with you and offers themselves to you to try to help you understand something you did or it might have been something you didn't do but should have then you might find yourself in this situation.

A situation that requires you to be open and honest with yourself. And in this fashion it is your opportunity to become someone better than you were before they came to you.

I hope, that one day soon, someone you truly care about comes to you and helps you to become a better person.

After all, that is what love is. Sharing, caring and growing together.

Much love~
Steve
www.stevesapato.com

How important is Learning About Love...

How important is past experience? 

I am asked all the time how I wrote a book about finding a successful relationship when I am not involved in one.
I wrote, "The Twenty, things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life" as well as my management and motivational books. The Twenty is all about LEARNING, please note that in the subtitle. The things you need to learn.

But what I excel at is ideas. Crystallizing your thinking. Taking you from this thought process or this idea and offering you other ideas, other motivations, other concepts or sometimes just helping you clarify the idea you have to make it 'laser focused' I believe is the hot term for it today.

But you see, I have all of this information because I have had ALL of this experience. I have managed businesses from small and medium retail operations to being in management in major corporations.
I have owned companies that were me alone and me with 40 employees. I have worked with leaders who had great ideas but didn't have a clue how to implement them and other wealthy people who had no ideas but great desire to find something.
I win and help you win because I am completely open to everything that happens around me and yes, I have been right and I have been wrong.

I have worked in so many positions and industries it would make your head spin but that is also how I see things with such a different attitude than most other business leaders.

From the time I was a teen getting my first jobs I was stretched. I dipped ice cream for Baskin-Robbins, sold cosmetics at major department store counters, merchandised women's shoes for major retailers. I have turned companies around with simple ideas and improvements and watched my own fail because I couldn't raise enough capital to get to that place where I knew success was waiting.

I have dealt Craps as a River Boat gambler and slung hash at small town diners. Poured drinks at local pubs and sat with corporate CEO's and been invited to share my ideas about business. I have been a purchasing agent at Las Vegas Trade Shows for sporting goods and fashion clothing and International Food Shows for all of the amazing foods and beverages you can imagine.

The reason Mental Prosperity works, the reason my book The Twenty works, is because I am not afraid to ask questions. I interviewed over 2400 people for my book The Twenty to gain insights and information. It is how I deduced that the average attractive female on the dating site Match dot com receives forty times as many original emails as the average male. It is how I understand that because of this fact alone, many women are inundated with offers and cannot respond to all of the men writing and why the men are angry that the women don't respond. A major misinterpretation for communication on dating sights.

The reason Mental Prosperity is the key to your success is because we have filled our minds with information and neglected to use it when we need it. It is cataloged and moved around and through loss of focus we neglect the most important part of what makes us successful. The good things that happen to us.

It's all inside of us. I recently was sharing with someone who said she could not have a successful relationship because of her upbringing and abusive and hurtful treatment by her parents.
I merely asked, when did you move out? She said she was twenty when that happened and I asked how old she was now, sixty-one.
I pointed this out to her, you had twenty years of bad upbringing by your parents and forty one years of bad upbringing by constantly reliving that twenty years by you! Isn't it time you took control of your life and stopped being a victim? Do you want to find love? Do you want to find a partner? and she said yes! Now she is a client and moving forward in her life. No more excuses.

What makes Mental Prosperity work, what makes THE TWENTY work is the same thing that allowed me to write a book to help others discover a successful relationship and life. It is that what is in you is greater than what has happened to you but you have to take control of that force within you.

I believe in you. I believe you can be. And I want to help you to get there.

Fantasies and orgasms~

I recently read/watched an article about that spoke about how women use their minds while men use their bodies in making love. I don't know if I entirely agree with that.... if you were to read the first chapter of my erotic book that I am writing I think you would find that there are men like me out there who are completely into what happens in our minds creates that response and heightens orgasm.

But enough self serving rhetoric. The video went on to say how important the female mind was to your success in achieving orgasm. It also said that there are many women who fake orgasms and who do not achieve orgasm.

I have several speaker friends who are huge on speaking to women (and any man who will listen) about how the female orgasm can bring health and happiness to their lives.
There are videos on Youtube that discuss in great detail the female orgasm.

So then why do we have such huge walls built up that prevent us from talking about it, sharing about it and exploring it in every aspect?
Why do men and women not get down to the base instinct of this and really discuss it? Why fake it? Or is you are one who cannot have an orgasm I have read many many articles that state it is psychological. That it is ONLY your mind that prevents you from having an orgasm.

As I have started to write my erotic novel I have of course gotten over exuberant and shared it with others who I thought might appreciate it. Many for teaching me how to be a better write. others because they asked about it.
And what I have found is no different than all that I have found for the last decade of my life....

Most women are sexually repressed. I didn't say YOU so don't go getting all upset and write to me telling me all about how you are open and and and....
I only say this because in my writings, in my every day conversations, once we break that initial barrier of right and wrong, what your mores taught you, what your nun taught you, what is quote unquote socially acceptable...

Once a women opens herself to a small conversation about her own desires and shares a fantasy or two, then the flood gates have opened.

Once I can help a woman get past what I call her, Oh my god! stage then we can get down to actually finding out her real desires. Helping her to discover the real women that appears to have been bottled up and hiding back in the corner. I have had women call me after a truly intense conversation the day before and cry that they have violated their Christian values. That to even think about doing the things they talked about the night before were tearing them apart. And their guilt was huge upon them and they cry and sob and are lost.

We talk and share and I try to relieve them from their own guilt of merely talking about such things and try to leave the conversation as positive as possible.
And over the years, those same women will reconnect and share with me how that breakthrough changed their lives and their lovemaking and their happiness and joy. How once they learned that they even had these feelings by sharing, reading, talking about any fantasy with me that they learned about themselves. And once they got past their upbringings and the guilt those ideals had held over them, they were amazed at who they could now become.
How they could now share stories and fantasies and how along with that also came the openness to read more, watch more and talk more about their sex lives.
How many of them have gone from a life of few to no orgasms to a life filled with pleasure and orgasms that could now be achieved with little effort and no frustration.

And all of this merely brings me to the whole point of why I am here....

Learn who to share with your partner. Learn how to talk, explore, fantasize... and I don't mean you have to dress up like Little Bo Peep, I mean fantasies texted, written, emailed, tucked under a pillow, a fantasy from that last kiss before someone leaves the house.. but learn that communication and growth are the only ways you will achieve a complete and wonderful love that will last forever.

Don't close them off because their fantasy might be to extreme, because I share it does not mean I want to do it, but maybe just thinking about it will bring you to a place where love, passion, romance and making love will enhance every part of your relationship.

Now go ahead... subscribe to my blog. you can even go to my website and get a free eBook. Or buy my relationship book, The Twenty. or ask me about my new Chapter on the Unintended Casanova.  And most certainly, share this with your friends~  :)
https://www.stevesapato.com

Isn't it time you found true love?

What would it be worth to you to find love, learn how to love, get past old hurts, and open yourself to passion and KNOW when you really find that right person, and stop dating the wrong people? Come to my July 27th Saturday seminar in TAMPA!! I promise it will be worth it! $99

Are you tired of not feeling loved? Are you tired of not being loved? Do you and your partner need to rekindle that spark?

All of that comes from learning about love, learning about romance, passion and what it takes to make it all work.

In my book the Twenty I share that LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH and it must be combined with a relationship that will endure the test of time.

Come July 27th to TAMPA! 8am-4pm and learn about love and relationships.

Come live the romance~

steve sapato  563-370-4938

steve@stevesapato.com

Making the passion last~

One of the great challenges of a passionate relationship is keeping that passion alive. The passion came from our not knowing our partner, wanting to know them intimately and doing whatever it took to find out about them. The challenge comes with believing we know them... and our familiarity leads us to take them for granted.
Every day understand that you will never know your partner well enough to take them for granted. We will never understand them or figure them out and they will always have the chance to meet someone new and leave us behind every day.
Stay awake, stay interested, and the passion will remain.

join me on facebook.com/stevesapato and on LinkedIn ... and buy my book, The Twenty at my website www.stevesapato.com

It could change your life.

How do women meet a man?

I hear this question time after time... and I am always amazed that women truly do not understand the power they have.
I hear women say, I won't go work out at the gym because they don't want to work out with men staring at them...
I hear them say, I won't go to a bar alone because the men won't leave me alone...

We live in a strange time because then the women will say, I hate it when a man calls me up and doesn't want to make the plans, they expect us to make the plans, they don't take the lead. They want men to make decisions.

And here is what I know, men will not hit on you or stare at you at the gym. Sure they will look but we will look at everyone. And unless you are a goddess or lifting weight that impresses the hell out of us, we have no reason to stare because we are busy doing our own thing.

Now back to the original problem, where can women meet men.
Let's start with the gym. If you really want the chance at meeting a man at the gym it's soooo easy. We love helping you. If you make that first contact, excuse me but can you tell me.... i.e. how to use this machine properly? What weight should I use? Is this the proper form? And that approach works any time all the time. When is the best time to meet a guy at the gym? Early Sat or Sunday before noon. The gym is filled early on weekends because they all want to get out and show off that hard work and the ratio on Friday night after 7pm or weekends before noon is HUGELY in your favor, last time I checked 20 :1.

So, you are not a gym person? Then the movies... then a pub, then church, then an art festival, then ... oh yes, ANYPLACE where you might give him the chance to make a move.

Here is what is important, all men like the woman to offer an opening to them. What? That's what you ladies say, what? Like this is news... it shouldn't be. An opening is just like the gym scenario. If you are at an art festival, people walking around, easy to target someone you like how they look. I use my intuition in these situations, you should too. Select someone you would like to meet, stalk them, yes I said stalk! Discreetly, please. See how they are acting and reacting. See if you like how they interact with the crowd, are they irritated by people, are they smiling a lot... so you will know how to select your potential suitor.

Then when you are ready, simply walk up next to them, and say something like,  do you really like XXX? or, Oh, excuse me but are you familiar with xy's work? Do you like this fabric? this texture? this artist? do you have a place for this in your home?  Hi! I saw you looking at this piece, I like it, do you? what drew you to this piece?
Are ya getting me yet? Offer him an opening to make the next move IF HE IS INTERESTED. And be mindful he might not make that move until some time later, after he has time to think about what just happened. Then he might stroll up later and say, so, do you like this piece? and it is that easy.
Same in a movie theater. If you see him walk in alone, wait until he goes to butter his popcorn or get a drink or get some napkins and do the same... then say something like, what are you going to see tonight? let him tell you and then see if he returns the conversation... it's an opening! We love openings!

This does not work in a pub usually... unless he wanders up to the bar alone or is sitting alone, then you simply walk up to order a drink or get a cocktail napkin and say something casual.. sorry to crowd you, oops, did I bump you?, kinda crowded in here tonight, how do I get the bartenders attention? what does a lady have to do to get a drink in here? hahahaha yes, it can be that much fun... then he has an opening and IF he is interested he can make that next move.

Questions? thoughts? Try this out, let e know how it works for you!

www.stevesapato.com