I have always been the person that people come to when they have a question about their relationship. I am not sure why. Something in me. Something I offer. But I also know that when I give I receive.

I have women ask me very personal questions. Intimate. Detailed.

But recently an acquaintance, someone that I would have entertained a relationship with at one time in my life and who has been in touch with me for a while stepped up to the plate and invited me to hear what she had to say to me.

You see, it was my turn to listen once again. But this time it was for me to listen with the intent to hear and not to respond or help.
This person proceeded to share with me that I had hurt her feelings once upon a time. And I, in my infinite wisdom could not even remember the conversation.

You see, what often times hurts another we do not see or even understand. She shared with me the entire conversation. She had either saved it in her journal or memorized it in her pain. I, in my wonderful lack of insight, had no recollection of the conversation. You see, to me, it was just a casual conversation, a place that I used as an example of how others say things they do not even know they say... and the strange part of that was, that was exactly what I had done to her.

She explained to me that in our conversations instead of being the loving, considerate and generous person she read on my facebook wall, that I was a hardnosed individual who had a need to be right, sometimes aggressive and often times rude.

Of course this hurt my feelings but sometimes it takes such an awakening to make us aware of our own shortcomings. This was one of those times.

Just learning that I had at one time hurt her feelings and upset her made me feel bad. I desire to help and hold up people and would not wish it known that I deliberately or with neglect had offended or hurt someone and seemed unkind or unloving. So just learning this from her already brought me pain.

To further learn that she thought I was the person who needed to be right, was flippant and uncaring, and even rude was a slap to my face.

One thing I have learned it that if someone genuinely comes to you with respect and with a good heart that they are saying what they felt. Even if I believe it was untrue they believed it was true. Now knowing this. who would you believe. Yourself? or the other person.

Most of us would say... we would believe ourselves. In this situation, because I know her heart, I believed her. And therefore realized I need to do some internal change upon myself.

I share this, not because I want to tell you all about me but because so many of us don't want to believe what others say about us. We have our own protective barriers up and we keep ourselves insulated against words that would hurt us or ridicule us or make us feel badly about ourselves.

That is normally a good thing because so many people do say careless and flippant things, even mean things that could hurt us.

But if you know someones heart. If you know their desire to be honest with you. And if you understand that we all make mistakes, then you will listen, even more, you will hear what the other person has to say. Take it to heart. And make changes.

If you have a partner and that partner comes to you, shares with you and offers themselves to you to try to help you understand something you did or it might have been something you didn't do but should have then you might find yourself in this situation.

A situation that requires you to be open and honest with yourself. And in this fashion it is your opportunity to become someone better than you were before they came to you.

I hope, that one day soon, someone you truly care about comes to you and helps you to become a better person.

After all, that is what love is. Sharing, caring and growing together.

Much love~
Steve
www.stevesapato.com

How important is Learning About Love...

How important is past experience? 

I am asked all the time how I wrote a book about finding a successful relationship when I am not involved in one.
I wrote, "The Twenty, things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life" as well as my management and motivational books. The Twenty is all about LEARNING, please note that in the subtitle. The things you need to learn.

But what I excel at is ideas. Crystallizing your thinking. Taking you from this thought process or this idea and offering you other ideas, other motivations, other concepts or sometimes just helping you clarify the idea you have to make it 'laser focused' I believe is the hot term for it today.

But you see, I have all of this information because I have had ALL of this experience. I have managed businesses from small and medium retail operations to being in management in major corporations.
I have owned companies that were me alone and me with 40 employees. I have worked with leaders who had great ideas but didn't have a clue how to implement them and other wealthy people who had no ideas but great desire to find something.
I win and help you win because I am completely open to everything that happens around me and yes, I have been right and I have been wrong.

I have worked in so many positions and industries it would make your head spin but that is also how I see things with such a different attitude than most other business leaders.

From the time I was a teen getting my first jobs I was stretched. I dipped ice cream for Baskin-Robbins, sold cosmetics at major department store counters, merchandised women's shoes for major retailers. I have turned companies around with simple ideas and improvements and watched my own fail because I couldn't raise enough capital to get to that place where I knew success was waiting.

I have dealt Craps as a River Boat gambler and slung hash at small town diners. Poured drinks at local pubs and sat with corporate CEO's and been invited to share my ideas about business. I have been a purchasing agent at Las Vegas Trade Shows for sporting goods and fashion clothing and International Food Shows for all of the amazing foods and beverages you can imagine.

The reason Mental Prosperity works, the reason my book The Twenty works, is because I am not afraid to ask questions. I interviewed over 2400 people for my book The Twenty to gain insights and information. It is how I deduced that the average attractive female on the dating site Match dot com receives forty times as many original emails as the average male. It is how I understand that because of this fact alone, many women are inundated with offers and cannot respond to all of the men writing and why the men are angry that the women don't respond. A major misinterpretation for communication on dating sights.

The reason Mental Prosperity is the key to your success is because we have filled our minds with information and neglected to use it when we need it. It is cataloged and moved around and through loss of focus we neglect the most important part of what makes us successful. The good things that happen to us.

It's all inside of us. I recently was sharing with someone who said she could not have a successful relationship because of her upbringing and abusive and hurtful treatment by her parents.
I merely asked, when did you move out? She said she was twenty when that happened and I asked how old she was now, sixty-one.
I pointed this out to her, you had twenty years of bad upbringing by your parents and forty one years of bad upbringing by constantly reliving that twenty years by you! Isn't it time you took control of your life and stopped being a victim? Do you want to find love? Do you want to find a partner? and she said yes! Now she is a client and moving forward in her life. No more excuses.

What makes Mental Prosperity work, what makes THE TWENTY work is the same thing that allowed me to write a book to help others discover a successful relationship and life. It is that what is in you is greater than what has happened to you but you have to take control of that force within you.

I believe in you. I believe you can be. And I want to help you to get there.

Fantasies and orgasms~

I recently read/watched an article about that spoke about how women use their minds while men use their bodies in making love. I don't know if I entirely agree with that.... if you were to read the first chapter of my erotic book that I am writing I think you would find that there are men like me out there who are completely into what happens in our minds creates that response and heightens orgasm.

But enough self serving rhetoric. The video went on to say how important the female mind was to your success in achieving orgasm. It also said that there are many women who fake orgasms and who do not achieve orgasm.

I have several speaker friends who are huge on speaking to women (and any man who will listen) about how the female orgasm can bring health and happiness to their lives.
There are videos on Youtube that discuss in great detail the female orgasm.

So then why do we have such huge walls built up that prevent us from talking about it, sharing about it and exploring it in every aspect?
Why do men and women not get down to the base instinct of this and really discuss it? Why fake it? Or is you are one who cannot have an orgasm I have read many many articles that state it is psychological. That it is ONLY your mind that prevents you from having an orgasm.

As I have started to write my erotic novel I have of course gotten over exuberant and shared it with others who I thought might appreciate it. Many for teaching me how to be a better write. others because they asked about it.
And what I have found is no different than all that I have found for the last decade of my life....

Most women are sexually repressed. I didn't say YOU so don't go getting all upset and write to me telling me all about how you are open and and and....
I only say this because in my writings, in my every day conversations, once we break that initial barrier of right and wrong, what your mores taught you, what your nun taught you, what is quote unquote socially acceptable...

Once a women opens herself to a small conversation about her own desires and shares a fantasy or two, then the flood gates have opened.

Once I can help a woman get past what I call her, Oh my god! stage then we can get down to actually finding out her real desires. Helping her to discover the real women that appears to have been bottled up and hiding back in the corner. I have had women call me after a truly intense conversation the day before and cry that they have violated their Christian values. That to even think about doing the things they talked about the night before were tearing them apart. And their guilt was huge upon them and they cry and sob and are lost.

We talk and share and I try to relieve them from their own guilt of merely talking about such things and try to leave the conversation as positive as possible.
And over the years, those same women will reconnect and share with me how that breakthrough changed their lives and their lovemaking and their happiness and joy. How once they learned that they even had these feelings by sharing, reading, talking about any fantasy with me that they learned about themselves. And once they got past their upbringings and the guilt those ideals had held over them, they were amazed at who they could now become.
How they could now share stories and fantasies and how along with that also came the openness to read more, watch more and talk more about their sex lives.
How many of them have gone from a life of few to no orgasms to a life filled with pleasure and orgasms that could now be achieved with little effort and no frustration.

And all of this merely brings me to the whole point of why I am here....

Learn who to share with your partner. Learn how to talk, explore, fantasize... and I don't mean you have to dress up like Little Bo Peep, I mean fantasies texted, written, emailed, tucked under a pillow, a fantasy from that last kiss before someone leaves the house.. but learn that communication and growth are the only ways you will achieve a complete and wonderful love that will last forever.

Don't close them off because their fantasy might be to extreme, because I share it does not mean I want to do it, but maybe just thinking about it will bring you to a place where love, passion, romance and making love will enhance every part of your relationship.

Now go ahead... subscribe to my blog. you can even go to my website and get a free eBook. Or buy my relationship book, The Twenty. or ask me about my new Chapter on the Unintended Casanova.  And most certainly, share this with your friends~  :)
https://www.stevesapato.com

Isn't it time you found true love?

What would it be worth to you to find love, learn how to love, get past old hurts, and open yourself to passion and KNOW when you really find that right person, and stop dating the wrong people? Come to my July 27th Saturday seminar in TAMPA!! I promise it will be worth it! $99

Are you tired of not feeling loved? Are you tired of not being loved? Do you and your partner need to rekindle that spark?

All of that comes from learning about love, learning about romance, passion and what it takes to make it all work.

In my book the Twenty I share that LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH and it must be combined with a relationship that will endure the test of time.

Come July 27th to TAMPA! 8am-4pm and learn about love and relationships.

Come live the romance~

steve sapato  563-370-4938

steve@stevesapato.com

Making the passion last~

One of the great challenges of a passionate relationship is keeping that passion alive. The passion came from our not knowing our partner, wanting to know them intimately and doing whatever it took to find out about them. The challenge comes with believing we know them... and our familiarity leads us to take them for granted.
Every day understand that you will never know your partner well enough to take them for granted. We will never understand them or figure them out and they will always have the chance to meet someone new and leave us behind every day.
Stay awake, stay interested, and the passion will remain.

join me on facebook.com/stevesapato and on LinkedIn ... and buy my book, The Twenty at my website www.stevesapato.com

It could change your life.

How do women meet a man?

I hear this question time after time... and I am always amazed that women truly do not understand the power they have.
I hear women say, I won't go work out at the gym because they don't want to work out with men staring at them...
I hear them say, I won't go to a bar alone because the men won't leave me alone...

We live in a strange time because then the women will say, I hate it when a man calls me up and doesn't want to make the plans, they expect us to make the plans, they don't take the lead. They want men to make decisions.

And here is what I know, men will not hit on you or stare at you at the gym. Sure they will look but we will look at everyone. And unless you are a goddess or lifting weight that impresses the hell out of us, we have no reason to stare because we are busy doing our own thing.

Now back to the original problem, where can women meet men.
Let's start with the gym. If you really want the chance at meeting a man at the gym it's soooo easy. We love helping you. If you make that first contact, excuse me but can you tell me.... i.e. how to use this machine properly? What weight should I use? Is this the proper form? And that approach works any time all the time. When is the best time to meet a guy at the gym? Early Sat or Sunday before noon. The gym is filled early on weekends because they all want to get out and show off that hard work and the ratio on Friday night after 7pm or weekends before noon is HUGELY in your favor, last time I checked 20 :1.

So, you are not a gym person? Then the movies... then a pub, then church, then an art festival, then ... oh yes, ANYPLACE where you might give him the chance to make a move.

Here is what is important, all men like the woman to offer an opening to them. What? That's what you ladies say, what? Like this is news... it shouldn't be. An opening is just like the gym scenario. If you are at an art festival, people walking around, easy to target someone you like how they look. I use my intuition in these situations, you should too. Select someone you would like to meet, stalk them, yes I said stalk! Discreetly, please. See how they are acting and reacting. See if you like how they interact with the crowd, are they irritated by people, are they smiling a lot... so you will know how to select your potential suitor.

Then when you are ready, simply walk up next to them, and say something like,  do you really like XXX? or, Oh, excuse me but are you familiar with xy's work? Do you like this fabric? this texture? this artist? do you have a place for this in your home?  Hi! I saw you looking at this piece, I like it, do you? what drew you to this piece?
Are ya getting me yet? Offer him an opening to make the next move IF HE IS INTERESTED. And be mindful he might not make that move until some time later, after he has time to think about what just happened. Then he might stroll up later and say, so, do you like this piece? and it is that easy.
Same in a movie theater. If you see him walk in alone, wait until he goes to butter his popcorn or get a drink or get some napkins and do the same... then say something like, what are you going to see tonight? let him tell you and then see if he returns the conversation... it's an opening! We love openings!

This does not work in a pub usually... unless he wanders up to the bar alone or is sitting alone, then you simply walk up to order a drink or get a cocktail napkin and say something casual.. sorry to crowd you, oops, did I bump you?, kinda crowded in here tonight, how do I get the bartenders attention? what does a lady have to do to get a drink in here? hahahaha yes, it can be that much fun... then he has an opening and IF he is interested he can make that next move.

Questions? thoughts? Try this out, let e know how it works for you!

www.stevesapato.com

Love.. the rest of life is easy

   I love it when people say 'love shouldn't be this hard'. When what they really mean is, my relationship is not working.
   For some strange reason we think that as a human being we should know all about love and relationships.  That is really the furthest thing from the truth. When someone is struggling with their relationship and I ask them... are you talking to anyone who can help? I mean of course.. someone who knows and understands relationships. Most people say not really. Most people, especially men, say they know how to be in love, they know how to make relationships work.. they know.
   The truth is, none of us know. I love when I get the question, if you are not married or in a successful relationship, how can you help others?
   It's like my math teacher growing up... he never had any challenges learning or understanding math. He could just grasp it all. He even said to me, Mr. Sapato, math is easy.
   And it was for that reason he was a terrible teacher to those of us who didn't understand math! He couldn't help us because he didn't understand why we couldn't understand what to him, seemed so simple.
   I share that with everyone... I have had more business failures and successes than most people even dream about. The same is true in relationships... if you haven't had to struggle through situations, if you haven't ever dealt with different personalities, problems, questions... if you haven't ever failed how can you empathise or understand someone who is? It is why I can tell you.. don't do that! Don't even think about that! And I can also share that, some things we will never understand. Some people we will never understand, and, some people will never understand us.
   I want people to know that very few of us truly understand 'love'. Oh we talk about it at times, see it in the movies, laugh and cry when we are involved in it but, in reality.. when I share what love, real love is.. most people want to argue with me, disagree, look for the reasons why what I say is not true... and yet...
   when I talk to people who have successfully kept love.. and in this sense I am talking about partner love, love where they are 'in love', happy, welcoming and invitingly in love, like when most of us start a relationship love... those people almost completely agree with my definition of love. That tells me that I am on the right track. When the people who are and have been for years and even decades successful at it share what love is and tell me all about it... I understand better what real love is and means.
   What I have found is most of us are completely willing to change, adapt, grow in our lives to learn new things. We are all open to learning new skills for our job, for our hobby, for a new hobby, even for a new relationship but we are not open to learning and growing when it's something we think we already know, like love.
   What I have found is, when you take a gold lesson, singing lesson, learn how to do excel spreadsheets that life gets easier. When you know how to do your job better because you are open to growing in the knowledge it takes to make it easier the job is easier. When you learn the skills it takes to be better at your hobby it makes the hobby more appealing and you participate in it more often.
   Therefore I struggle with the facts that people, men and women, don't routinely participate in seminars and events that share ideas and insights into how to make your love life, relationship, easier.
   Without the proper tools to make something work, to keep it running smoothly with regular tune-ups, to complete and participate in routine maintenance, most things we do will not function smoothly or even continuously without breaking down.
  If I asked you to drive your car until it broke down and then you could get it fixed, what would you say to me? Something like.. are you nuts? No! Why wait until it breaks down? That would create all kinds of other problems! No, Steve, do the routine maintenance and upgrades and it should run smoothly for you all the time.
   And yet, if I ask you to participate in a LOVE workshop most of you would say, I don't have the time, it's too far, it costs too much....
   So you see, compared to the rest of your life, the parts where you understand how to make it all work, your life is very easy when compared with love. Your daily tasks, jobs, hobbies are so very easy when compared with love.
   Now I go back to the title of this article...  when compared with LOVE, the rest of your life is easy.

Have an amazing 2013 and rediscover the reasons you go to work. I hope one of them is ... love.

www.stevesapato.com and his newsletter Love Letters are part of Steve Sapato Promotions and should be copied in their entirety with credit and links included.   https://www.facebook.com/steve.sapato?ref=tn_tnmn