Is Dating a lost art?

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With all of the online dating sites, all of the Meetup Groups, all of the options that are available to each and every person out there then why aren’t more of us finding the loves of our lives?

When dating sites first appeared it looked like they would take over the world for helping us find that special someone. Then we found that peoples human nature was not as honest as we believed; old photographs, misleading ages, completely untruthful profiles. Now we are so leery of those things that the “old” dating protocols have gone by the wayside also! We can no longer pick up our dates at the door because now they are afraid we will stalk them! When did that happen? and why didn’t someone beat the crap out of those perverts?

And now what about the actual DATE?

What does each of us expect from a date? What works, what doesn’t? I belong to several special groups and we talk about dating, how to get into a relationship, stay in a relationship or get out of a relationship. We talk about what to do when setting up the date, where people should go and it all is so subjective.

On my recent radio show we had a special guest, a woman with her own radio show and a call in where the man said I recently lost my job and have no money. Is it still ok to ask someone out on a date? The guest said she would not date a man without enough money to buy. The panel of men said he should take her to a place where money is not required. I said, don’t take a new woman out of you can’t afford to date her.

So what is right? I recently was the speaker at an event where the women were angry that men didn’t know how to be men and didn’t know how to plan a date. Didn’t know how to be ‘the man’ in the relationship and decide where they wanted to go on a date and they said men keep asking, ‘where would you like to go?’

The problem seems to be that we are just so set in our own ways. The problem is that we have such high expectations. The problem is that dating used to be simple. 

Now we have learned so much that we have complicated that entire process.

When I was young I would call up a girl, tell her my name and ask her out. When she accepted I would get her address and go pick her up. Then we would go bowling, dancing, dinner, a ball game, a friends house party, and it was always ok. We would demonstrate our personality in how we met and acted at her place, how we opened the door for her, how we respected her by how we looked, what we wore, what cologne we wore.

Now it’s meet at a public place to see if we look like out photo because so many people lie.

And yet, did we do our due diligence? Did you even know this was part of dating now? Did you Google me? Did you search the database to see if my name popped up on the rapist or child molester sites. Did you…. wait, what?

Yes, dating is much more complicated now because we don’t use our own intuition.

Intuition, that comes from allowing your senses to be at work. When you email with me, what questions do you ask? When you speak with me on the phone what are you really seeking to know?

I am asked at my seminars so many unbelievable questions. Some so simple they beg for me to slap the person who asked it. How do I ask if a person has been in jail or prison? How do I ask if they cheated on their spouse? How do I find out if they really work where they said they work?

Really? Really??  How about a simple, where did you say you work? and when they tell you, ask, some more. I.e. So for your job do you need to have business cards? Then ask for one. If they can’t produce it, red flag.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather a most complicated dance that you have to know and understand what you should learn in order to move to level two.

Dating is not any more complicated now than it used to be but we have become much less vigilant. We have allowed the electronic media to determine our thoughts. We need to go back to using our own senses. We need to ask the questions and listen for the voice inflections, the hesitations. We need to learn body language and how a question can create a certain response that we should recognize and a potential situation that we might need more information.

Dating has not become a lost art but rather it has become an art form all of it’s own.

For more information on dating come to a He Said/She Said Workshop in Tampa. The next workshop is October 24th at the DoubleTree Inn by the Airport in Tampa, FL. Register at www.westchasesinglesclub.com

http://www.stevesapato.com where you can find Steve for your coaching needs, relationship advice and dating information. Steve is an author, speaker and relationship coach. He also is a business management specialist with his own company Sapato Seminars, athttp://www.mentalprosperityblog.com

You can purchase his book, The Twenty on Amazon or on his website http://www.stevesapato.com

Love - It's all about them....

Today is THURSDAY! A day to finalize some things and make sure you are ready to finish things up on Friday so you can enjoy that weekend. One of those things is your partner... make sure you make them feel loved and appreciated. Make sure you are ready to make them smile on Saturday morning... a sweet surprise? A small gift? I wonderful adventure? Show them you love them by planning... yes, planning, something special.

When you plan something special you are telling them how much you care, how much you love them, how much you mean to them.

And when your partner understands that you care enough to plan then they will reciprocate with offering you things that will make you feel more loved also.

I know, but Steve, what if my partner doesn't do that? Why should I do that for them if they won't do that for me? What if they don't reciprocate? Why am I always the one doing all of this? When will they do it for me too?

And my answer has always been the same... do it because you understand love. Do it because you have read the Five Love Languages and really 'get it'. Do it because you love them. And I hope that you will feel better because you did that for them.

And if they don't reciprocate. If they don't do it for you. If they never will, never have, and don't... then know that you are sharing your love in a way that makes you feel good about being you. And, after all, loving yourself and being true to yourself is much of what life is all about.

Then, maybe one day, you will see a change in them or maybe one day they will meet someone like me who says, wow, you should be doing this for your partner. And maybe, one day, they will surprise you with a glimmer of what you have been giving to them.

But until they do? Remember to be you and love them the best way you know how. And smile because you are so amazing.   
P.S.  And remember guys, some ladies love coffee in bed or at least that you thought of them that much.

www.stevesapato.com   athor of The Twenty -relationship book and several other ebooks available on Amazon.com

Finding love through fear

Once I thought everyone wanted the same romantic relationship as I did, then I started listening, learning, reading and studying. Now I understand how fragile we all are, how any pain sends most people running into the recesses of their minds and they won't share their real feelings. Fear. Hurt. So now I write from the thousands I have learned from and hope to help you find the person that will help you blossom into the person and with the love you were meant to share.   www.stevesapato.com    www.facebook.com/stevesapato

You allow bad people or good people into your life

For almost 8 years I have been teaching people how to empower themselves. One of my greatest joys in life is teaching women how to empower themselves. I have women ask me, how can you, a man, teach a woman how to be empowered.

I love that question. Because it's so silly. Anyone can teach anyone else if they want to and are open to learning.
Last year at one of my events I had a woman who said she was feeling completely trapped. That she was constantly being pulled this way and that way and that she had no time to be herself. We shared and talked and at the end of day one she was certain she was learning and then she did it... she said she could not come back for the second day because her family needed her to drive and pick up and... and just like that she went right back to empower her family instead of herself.
And if that's what she loves, I say do it! But she just spent several hours sharing with us at different times how she didn't feel valued and felt taken advantage of because of how her family treated her.

You see, if you are not ready to hear a message even if you think you want to hear a message you will hear it but your old habits will pay it no attention.

I recently had a woman tell me that her boyfriend was jealous, controlling and at times, mean to her. I asked her if she liked the way he treated her and she said no. She said she didn't like it at all. And when I asked her what she planned on doing about it she replied, what can I do? I love him.

What do you think?  As a life coach, as a Professional Speaker in empowering yourself should I have set her down and told her what to do? How she should act? Why she shouldn't allow someone to treat her that way?

The answer is, NO! Notice that she did not invite my advice nor did she hire me for my advice. She did not ask what should I do, she merely said she did not like how he treated her but she loved him and therefore allowed him to treat her that way.

So it was truly none of my business.

You see we all allow things into our lives. I teach restaurants how to increase tips for their servers by giving amazing service in ways they have never thought of. And yet I watch customers ALLOW servers to treat them in a manner that is not exceptional. How many times have you or a friend said, my food isn't great and when the server came over and gave your their patented, 'so how is everything tonight folks?' speech you looked at each other and said, "Fine."  You ALLOWED that restaurant to give you less than great food and great service. Yet don't you go to a restaurant to get great food and great service? So why do you allow that to happen to you?
You see, we are all guilty at times of allowing others to treat us in a certain way.

I have the most perfectly respectable West Highland Terrier dog. I can take her anywhere and not leash her and she will stay right by me or if I am playing sand volleyball she will lay under a picnic table waiting for me to finish my game. Other players have brought their dogs but leashed them and when they bark and yelp during the game incessantly and the players will say to me, how do you get your dog to be like that?

And all I say is, I trained her. You see, she now treats me as I taught her to treat me and everyone around me. Respectably.

Do you know you train the people around you how you want to be treated by how you allow them to treat you? Your siblings, parents, children, friends and coworkers. They treat you exactly as you have taught them to treat you.
So if your significant other, your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner treats you badly it is because you have allowed them to treat you that way in the past.

How do you fix it? By empowering yourself to say, please don't treat me like that any more, That is unacceptable to me. I won't allow you to say, do that to me any more.And then take action on what you just said.

I look forward to you teaching people around you how amazing you are and that they should treat you, as you treat them, as i they are all, AMAZING.

www.stevesapato.com  and pick up my free ebook, This One Is For Me! on my site.

Mental Prosperity and Steve Sapato Seminars

Sapato Seminars

When success is important to you.

Love sucks~ and other great ideas

Love sucks and other great ideas! When I talk to some people they talk about love like it's the worst thing that ever happened to them and it probably is.

When people come away from love with such a bad attitude about love then all I can say is, they don't understand love. I have interviewed hundreds of people and couples about love: the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have interviewed people who lost the love of their life to death and they still talk about love with magic on their tongues. I have talked to people who lost the love of their life because something went wrong in their relationship and they still talk about love with delight. And I have talked to people who have lost the love of someone they loved because something went wrong and all they can do is talk badly about their partner or badly about love and how love sucks. They talk about how it can't be trusted, and the pain of promises made and the promises broken.

What we find is that love is love. That's all. Love is love and has nothing whatsoever to do with how you were treated, what happened to you or how you feel. The fact that something happened to end the love someone felt towards you is no ones fault. There is no blame. There is no fault. There is only an end to that relationship.

What always surprises me is that some people will always blame someone else for losing that love or falling out of love or lying to them about being in love.

What always surprises me is that some people need to blame someone for love ending. Instead of reveling in the love that they have felt, instead of delighting in the memories they enjoy they instead need to blame and hurt and hold onto the pain that they feel when it ends.

Love will always end in life. For some of us we will love until we die. But when someone dies the physical love they shared with another "dies" also. And the person being loved may never feel that love again except in mental or emotional way. And we seem to understand that.

But when someone else falls out of love with us many of us never understand. Never forgive. Never get over it.

Sad for those who hold onto their pain. Sad that they have the opportunity to love again but because of their own inability to forgive they may never truly share love with someone else again.

For LOVE is a shared emotion when it is between people who are looking for that loving connection. And when one is not complete because they have not forgiven a past failure in love then they are not whole or complete enough to be able to share their broken love with anyone else.

Yes, they might try and you may even be the recipient of this broken love and it will never be complete. It will never fill the void that they have left in their own hearts no matter how much love you offer them.

So when you look to fall in love make sure that it is with someone who is complete. Who has forgiven all past relationships, broken promises and failed loves.

Time can be a great healer but your ability to forgive your old lover as well as forgive yourself are the true keys to finding a new and improved love of your life.

Buy my book The Twenty on Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098305570X/ref=cm_pdp_wish_itm_img_4

The AGE of sex~

So many questions from so many ladies about what makes a great relationship as we get older. This is the most difficult topic because we are dealing with established morals, long term experiences and the new conversations about how sex is so easy and accepted in elderly housing.

The greatest increase in STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) is occurring in nursing homes and elderly housing.

What can that mean? That when we reach a certain age if it feels good do it? Or does it mean that if we are allowed to just enjoy our bodies without fear of our surroundings it's ok?

The truth is, as we get older and we don't find emotionally satisfying relationships our desires do not diminish. For the most part it is the women who are the most frustrated by this. Recent surveys are showing that women over 60 are the highest category for buying personal electronic devices over the internet.

How can that be? How can all of our "beliefs" be this wrong? It's simple. In the past we heard something and we passed it on. Things like, 'men never ask for directions'. Of course that was not true. But we BELIEVED it because it was the joke. Now we are starting to understand that the old joke about men wanting sex more than women is simply not true. The truth is that women love sex and want more sex 'when it is performed correctly' than men.

A recent survey said that 77% of all women say their partners need to attend a class to become a better lover.
When I ask men about this study, 100% of all the men say something to the effect of, thank good I am not in that 77%!
We have a deny society. When what should be happening is the men should be saying, wow, I wonder if my partner thinks that? And then go home and ask. But they don't.

This indicates to me that there are many many women frustrated sexually and this might help to explain the rise in extramarital affairs among women over the last ten years.

So now back to the original question. What should single women over the age of sixty do about their needs.

The answer is not easy but it is simple. What are your needs? Who can fulfill them? And how do you go about that?

Most women over sixty were not taught about personal pleasure. They were taught to be a good wife and go along and not make waves and and and ... They were taught that their own pleasure in sex was not that important and in many cases that to pleasure yourself was a sin. Many older women have never experimented with their own bodies. Many have denied their own desires.

And now, as they are getting older they see more and more on TV and in the movies and they want more out of life. I recently finished an erotic novelette ebook called The Unintended Casanova on Amazon and the demand has been very good. The ladies who have written to me asking for the second novelette has surprised me and most are older women.

And several ladies have written to me asking about their own personal satisfaction. They have discussed having a huge sexual appetite and what they should do about it. I listen intently and offer my best advice but each one is such an incredibly different story. How they were brought up, what they were or were not allowed to do.

And my best advice is very simple.... I ask, what do you want to do.

And each one will share what they really want. And my question still comes back to, if you do that, how will that make you feel? And most do not know. Will they feel guilty? Will they feel cheep? and WHY? Is it their morals from a very old upbringing? Is it the stigma that their friends will think things about them? Are they afraid of being talked about, looked at... treated differently?

And those are the things that you must know in advance and prepare yourself to deal with if you decide that your own personal passions that are wanting to be set free need to come out and be acted upon.

Overcoming your 'training' is a very difficult thing. Overcoming you own conscience will be your greatest challenge.

But my greatest advice to you is this. If you know someone who needs to confide in you any of these types of feelings, please do not judge them, laugh or ridicule. Listen openly and without your own prejudices involved and allow them to truly express what they want as the reach toward the end of their sexual peak.

My relationship book is The Twenty and you can find it on my website www.stevesapato.com to help you pick the love of your life and stop dating the wrong people. I hope you find love and happiness in your life that will reach well into the future.