Love is an interesting topic and one that people have talked about since Adam fell out of Eve. Or was that out of favor from the Garden Of Eden. But an interesting topic regardless.
Love is all about feelings, emotions, heart aches, passion and even romance. Love is about joyous encounters or heart rending endings. Some people who get hurt from a failed love relationship vow to never fall in love again while others simply ferar the pain so much that they refuse to allow themselves the feelings of love.
But what is love? What makes us fall in love? What makes us want to fall in love?
Love is the natural state of the human condition and when all conditions are in alignment then we can fall in love.
Love is allowing ourselves the comfort of growing close to another person. Close enough that we want to share ourself and our emotions with another person. Close enough that we allow ourselves to trust someone else so deeply that we expose the real us. And in so exposing open ourselves to the pain of ridicule if they don't know how to love us.
Love is an openness that says, I trust you completely.
And when I say, love is the final frontier? I mean it is the final event, the last condition, the ultimate exposure of our 'self'.
Many women start their adult life by getting married. Getting married and falling in love for Americans usually are synonymous. And many women fall in love and give themselves to their husbands and in so doing give that trust to their husbands also.
Many women give themselves up to that trust. And in so doing never take the journey they need to take into a large part of being an adult, responsibility.
Oh I know what you are thinking. Steve Sapato! Are you trying to tell me that a wife and mother are not responsible positions in life?
No I am not telling you that. But there is a HUGE area that many seem to neglect until some disastrous event forces them into this place called financial responsibility. Yes, many ladies do the shoping and care giving. They buy for the household and shop for the kids. They plan the events and moderate the family gatherings but... many know nothing or very little about how the money is deligated and used and where to find the "future" if something happens to their spouse.
at www.stevesapato.com we are putting together a June 2012 Event for women's empowerment called "Let's Get Wellthy" and it is ladies teaching ladies how to find their true power and health. It's about empowerment, knowledge about the power women can exert and how living healthy through knowledge and exercise brings them into a place where they are truly the new leadership of the world.
Yes it is still ok to be a woman. It is still ok to exemplify the women's role in a relationship but it is also now required that you ladies know all about what is going on in your marriage.
It is vital that you know where the safe deposit key is hidden and what is in that box. It is vital that you know how much the mortgage is and how that mortgage will be paid if something should happens to yoru marriage. It is vital that you know about savings accounts, checking accounts and bill paying. It is vital that you are aware of all that can and will affect you if something happens to your marriage.
In my research for my books I have found a very large percentage of women have allowed the man to completely control the financial 'purse strings' and while they say they are aware when something happens to either their partner or the marriage they are completely unprepared for making sure all of the finances are in order.
Love is a wonderful and amazing experience and when developed properly, nurtured and grown will lead to a life of wonder and joy and memories that will be cherished long after one of you is gone. But now we must also understand that love should include both the husband and the wife, or life partners in every aspect of the team they are producing. And a great husband will make sure his wife is as prepared to take responsibility for the marriage as he is.
Now, go where all men and women should have gone before, into the final frontier called, LOVE and fiscal responsibility.
https://www.thetwentybook.com
Seminars that will enhance your relationship and the joy in your life.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Saturday, January 1, 2011
giving yourself. That is hard
When I counsel people on their relationships many times I hear, 'but that's not who I am'. In the book, The Twenty, it talks about the selfishness of your new life. Being selfish while you are looking for the love of your life is not only understandable but required. Because you are looking for what makes you happy. Now after you find the person you have CHOSEN to give your heart to that is the time to become completely unselfish.
You need to understand that love, real love, is giving yourself to your partner to make them happy. And that is hard.
So many times I hear people say I shouldn't have to change to make them happy. They should love me just the way I am. If I give 100% that is enough. But here is my visual... put both your hands together, palms facing, fingers straight up. You can give each hand to another, 100% committment and they push against each other, forming a type of bond. But pull them apart and they come apart easily.
Now if one hand were to interlink fingers an grasp the other then you have a bending and accepting side that is giving and offering additional strength to the union. But if the other hand does not wrap itself around then you only have a one sided union. This union can make the one side feel trapped if it tries to break free or move away and yet it is still a stronger bond than the two hands facing and touching without grapsing.
But if BOTH hands wrap around one another and truly desire to hold on, this becomes an almost unbreakable grasp.
This does not change the concept of the hand but it certainly requires completely different us of the hand, just as giving yourself to your partner does not change the basic you but does change how you act, react, and what you do in order to keep the bond strong and unbreakable.
Giving yourself is very hard to do IF you are unwilling to offer yourself, to change yourself or to become different in your behavior in how you offer yourself to your partner.
Love is easy, relationships are hard.
Steve Sapato wrote the relationship book, The Twenty, is an author, speaker and coach. You can reach Steve at www.stevesapato.com
You need to understand that love, real love, is giving yourself to your partner to make them happy. And that is hard.
So many times I hear people say I shouldn't have to change to make them happy. They should love me just the way I am. If I give 100% that is enough. But here is my visual... put both your hands together, palms facing, fingers straight up. You can give each hand to another, 100% committment and they push against each other, forming a type of bond. But pull them apart and they come apart easily.
Now if one hand were to interlink fingers an grasp the other then you have a bending and accepting side that is giving and offering additional strength to the union. But if the other hand does not wrap itself around then you only have a one sided union. This union can make the one side feel trapped if it tries to break free or move away and yet it is still a stronger bond than the two hands facing and touching without grapsing.
But if BOTH hands wrap around one another and truly desire to hold on, this becomes an almost unbreakable grasp.
This does not change the concept of the hand but it certainly requires completely different us of the hand, just as giving yourself to your partner does not change the basic you but does change how you act, react, and what you do in order to keep the bond strong and unbreakable.
Giving yourself is very hard to do IF you are unwilling to offer yourself, to change yourself or to become different in your behavior in how you offer yourself to your partner.
Love is easy, relationships are hard.
Steve Sapato wrote the relationship book, The Twenty, is an author, speaker and coach. You can reach Steve at www.stevesapato.com
Friday, December 3, 2010
The trouble with LOVE
How many of us would like to be in love right now? How many of us are going out on the town hoping to find that special someone who will fill our hearts with joy and make our hearts skip a beat every time they walk into the room?
The trouble with love is that most of us don't understand it.
Gary Chapman in his newsletters says that PASSIONATE love does not last. I would like to argue that with him but from my personal experience, my passionate love never stopped, but hers did. So I can only argue one sidedly and that does not make for a loving relationship.
The trouble with love is that it takes TWO PEOPLE to make a relationship. TWO!
My book, THE TWENTY, is all about how to stop dating the wrong kinds of people and to find the love of your life and it defines how when we finally do find the love of our life it should last forever!
But, finding the other part of our equation seems a lonely and daunting task.
The trouble with love is that it's not up to us! If it was just up to me I would have already settled into a relationship of love and passion but it seemed like my partner had other ideas! One that did not include me!
On the surface that seems unfortunate but I do know that if they did not choose me then that relationship was not meant to be.
No hard feelings, no challenges, just love for their choice.
So the next time you find someone of interest, know that they might love you for a while and you might love them, but how to keep the PASSIONS alive and forever, you need a forever partner who wants that toooo!
Blessings into your search!
www.stevesapato.com
www.thetwentybook.com
The trouble with love is that most of us don't understand it.
Gary Chapman in his newsletters says that PASSIONATE love does not last. I would like to argue that with him but from my personal experience, my passionate love never stopped, but hers did. So I can only argue one sidedly and that does not make for a loving relationship.
The trouble with love is that it takes TWO PEOPLE to make a relationship. TWO!
My book, THE TWENTY, is all about how to stop dating the wrong kinds of people and to find the love of your life and it defines how when we finally do find the love of our life it should last forever!
But, finding the other part of our equation seems a lonely and daunting task.
The trouble with love is that it's not up to us! If it was just up to me I would have already settled into a relationship of love and passion but it seemed like my partner had other ideas! One that did not include me!
On the surface that seems unfortunate but I do know that if they did not choose me then that relationship was not meant to be.
No hard feelings, no challenges, just love for their choice.
So the next time you find someone of interest, know that they might love you for a while and you might love them, but how to keep the PASSIONS alive and forever, you need a forever partner who wants that toooo!
Blessings into your search!
www.stevesapato.com
www.thetwentybook.com
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Want to find the love of your life?
Would you like to find the love of your life?
When most people are asked if they would like to find the love of their life they answer with –yeah, right! We have stopped believing in the love of your life. We want it, we desire it, we even talk about, write about it and make movies about it… but most of us don’t believe it. Why?
We have faced the reality of broken hearts and lost loves and we have become calloused
But what if you could plan for it? What if you could increase your chances from not-a-chance-in-hell to better than 50/50 that the next person you give your heart to will be your one-in-a-million?
It’s all possible if you know the secrets to finding The ONE.
Yup, this is a plug! My new book, The TWENTY (things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life).
Send your lonely and frustrated friends to my website to order it NOW! You will love it!
www.stevesapato.com
Blessings into your search
Steve
When most people are asked if they would like to find the love of their life they answer with –yeah, right! We have stopped believing in the love of your life. We want it, we desire it, we even talk about, write about it and make movies about it… but most of us don’t believe it. Why?
We have faced the reality of broken hearts and lost loves and we have become calloused
But what if you could plan for it? What if you could increase your chances from not-a-chance-in-hell to better than 50/50 that the next person you give your heart to will be your one-in-a-million?
It’s all possible if you know the secrets to finding The ONE.
Yup, this is a plug! My new book, The TWENTY (things you need to learn in order to find the love of your life).
Send your lonely and frustrated friends to my website to order it NOW! You will love it!
www.stevesapato.com
Blessings into your search
Steve
Sunday, September 19, 2010
What keeps passion alive?
Welcome to Steve's Blog
Passion
Steve Sapato: Posted on Sunday, September 19, 2010 9:27 PM
I believe that what creates passion in our lives is our own desire to know more... more about this person, more about this topic, more about... the reason passion wanes in our relationship is because we have stopped wanting to know more and believe and take for granted the one we think we know. Fire up the passion by learning more about your partner. Think you know them well? Try going into separate rooms and writing down your top ten goals for 1) Family- what you want to do 2) Travel - where you want to go, see and do 3) Home - what you want your home to look like, contain, become 4) Money- how much you want, how you will achieve it, save it, spend it 5) Become - what YOU want to achieve in your life personally, education? Job? romance? travel? profession
then come back into the room in 20 minutes and compare. Never never never make fun of their list, or ridicule their list, or negate what they want. Just learn about your partner and create the passion again.
www.stevesapato.com
Passion
Steve Sapato: Posted on Sunday, September 19, 2010 9:27 PM
I believe that what creates passion in our lives is our own desire to know more... more about this person, more about this topic, more about... the reason passion wanes in our relationship is because we have stopped wanting to know more and believe and take for granted the one we think we know. Fire up the passion by learning more about your partner. Think you know them well? Try going into separate rooms and writing down your top ten goals for 1) Family- what you want to do 2) Travel - where you want to go, see and do 3) Home - what you want your home to look like, contain, become 4) Money- how much you want, how you will achieve it, save it, spend it 5) Become - what YOU want to achieve in your life personally, education? Job? romance? travel? profession
then come back into the room in 20 minutes and compare. Never never never make fun of their list, or ridicule their list, or negate what they want. Just learn about your partner and create the passion again.
www.stevesapato.com
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Love is finding something within another
I love this story but it brings up so many questions to me? So before you start this story... think of this... when you fell in love with your partner you had all of these loving and romantic beliefs in them. Over the years one or both have lost that amazement.
Now read this wonderful story and think of your love and how you are loved... who is noticing? Who is not...
www.stevesapato.com
PERCEPTION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule. About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world.
He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Now read this wonderful story and think of your love and how you are loved... who is noticing? Who is not...
www.stevesapato.com
PERCEPTION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule. About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world.
He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
When love hurts
One of the most amazing things I ever hear in counseling someone back to health is - 'I don't know if I want to fall in love again, I don't ever want to get hurt that much again'. I find that amazing because LOVE is the only place we ever do that. When you were learning to ride your bicycle and you crashed, skinned your knee and as a child thought you were gonna die! and ten minutes later crawled onto that bike and did it all over again, even when crashing was a reality it never really crossed your mind not to try again. WHY?
Because you really wanted to ride a bike. And you knew you could learn how.
Love is the same! The only difference is.. you don't believe you can learn how to love without getting hurt all the time.
Why do you think you feel this way?
You never took any classes, courses, seminars that would help you learn. No one was/is there to hold onto the seat so you can get your balance.
But there is! We are called relationship coaches and I teach people how to become a coach as well as teach people how to PROPERLY fall in love.
Most of you are saying, what? Properly fall in love? What nonsense, but a few of you, 'get it' that we have never been taught how to love much less how to fall in love. My book, The Twenty, is all about how to properly find the love of your life. There is a process and a method and a methodology to our emotional needs. There is a method to our desires for ourselves and our happiness. We just have never known it.
Oh some of us have and have read and studied and learned and have fallen and gotten up and fallen again, that's all part of the process but the process for many of us has broken. And it's merely because we FEAR more then we WANT love. That fear comes from our lack of belief that we can LEARN about love enough to fall in love safely.
When you got back on your bike it was because you were encouraged and believed you would learn to ride safely. But think back to what your bike was all about. If your riding instructor would have gotten you a bike that was not right for you, how many times would you have crashed before you gave up trying to ride?
If your bike was a 26 inch huge bike and you couldn't even reach the pedals, after your first crash you would cry and say, nevermore! What if it was too small and your legs were all cramped and your knees stuck out funny... you would have given up. What if .. what if...
And that's exactly what has been happening in your love life all these years! You have not found the right bike! I mean PARTNER! and there has been no one to teach you how to select the right partner until now.
So now lets learn to fall in love safely.
Love will hurt at times. It will frustrate us at times. And it will be difficult at times. But the key to falling in love the right way is to first find out how to select the right partner.
Step number one is finding out what makes you happy. And realizing this will be your first step to an amazing journey and reduce your hurts as you learn what love is really all about.
Stop your hurt and start your journey.
http://www.stevesapato.com/
or find me on FB and twitter toooo!
Because you really wanted to ride a bike. And you knew you could learn how.
Love is the same! The only difference is.. you don't believe you can learn how to love without getting hurt all the time.
Why do you think you feel this way?
You never took any classes, courses, seminars that would help you learn. No one was/is there to hold onto the seat so you can get your balance.
But there is! We are called relationship coaches and I teach people how to become a coach as well as teach people how to PROPERLY fall in love.
Most of you are saying, what? Properly fall in love? What nonsense, but a few of you, 'get it' that we have never been taught how to love much less how to fall in love. My book, The Twenty, is all about how to properly find the love of your life. There is a process and a method and a methodology to our emotional needs. There is a method to our desires for ourselves and our happiness. We just have never known it.
Oh some of us have and have read and studied and learned and have fallen and gotten up and fallen again, that's all part of the process but the process for many of us has broken. And it's merely because we FEAR more then we WANT love. That fear comes from our lack of belief that we can LEARN about love enough to fall in love safely.
When you got back on your bike it was because you were encouraged and believed you would learn to ride safely. But think back to what your bike was all about. If your riding instructor would have gotten you a bike that was not right for you, how many times would you have crashed before you gave up trying to ride?
If your bike was a 26 inch huge bike and you couldn't even reach the pedals, after your first crash you would cry and say, nevermore! What if it was too small and your legs were all cramped and your knees stuck out funny... you would have given up. What if .. what if...
And that's exactly what has been happening in your love life all these years! You have not found the right bike! I mean PARTNER! and there has been no one to teach you how to select the right partner until now.
So now lets learn to fall in love safely.
Love will hurt at times. It will frustrate us at times. And it will be difficult at times. But the key to falling in love the right way is to first find out how to select the right partner.
Step number one is finding out what makes you happy. And realizing this will be your first step to an amazing journey and reduce your hurts as you learn what love is really all about.
Stop your hurt and start your journey.
http://www.stevesapato.com/
or find me on FB and twitter toooo!
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