The right one? Or just another flash in the bed...

One of the greatest challenges we face in our quest for love is selecting someone who will be there when the poo hits the fan.

I think you all know what I mean. When times are great, it's easy for us to find a partner we are happy with and settle in to enjoy life. But it's when the times get tough that peoples real personalities come grinding through.

Yes, I found the right one, they are fun, happy, caring, easy to get a long with... and then, the step kids start acting up, or the ex starts showing up or calling or ... or suddenly something happens that requires money and you don't have enough, or you simply say something really stupid and an argument blows up in your face and there is screaming or hollering or they simply walk out.

How will you know if you have a person who will be there even in the tough times?

In my book, The Twenty, I talk about how we need to look for the warning signs. And I don't just mean look, I mean, investigate. Yes, dig deep into YOURSELF to find out the answers.

Wait, Steve, you said dig into myself? Yes... because if you look at your failed relationships objectively you will almost always be able to see red flags/warning signs that this was not the perfect relationship you kept hoping it would be.

I can't tell you how many people I have helped over the years who were distraught and lost and hurt and so much more because their relationship ended. But as we talked, as I injected my system into their lives we fond that almost to a person, they had seen warning signs and chose to ignore them.

You do know they call it dating for a reason, right? That reason is you are supposed to be LOOKING for the warning signs not ignoring them.

And as you find these red flags you need to act upon them. Ok, yes, you want to be loved. Yes you want to be in a relationship. Yes, it's one of the most important things you want in life. But now, let's put aside all of the Man of my dreams, Woman of my fantasy and get hit in the face with reality.

And that is, when you start a relationship it's called dating (when you are supposed to weed out the ones that won't work in the long run). When you are in a relationship is when you start to get deeper feelings than just comfort and sex. This is when you really need to dig in and look at this person like your life depends upon it. It does! Or at least your future does. And that's when you really dig into the 'oh, it's no big deal' flags. It's when you delve into the 'things that irritate you' feelings. It's when you need to solve all of these in order to get to the 'I will love you forever' reality that comes with more than the emotional 'I love you' stage of your relationship.

I teach relationships. It's what I do and if you really want to find the love of your life then follow my proven method of finding someone who will be worthy of your love. You can find love by learning about love and not just stumbling into another relationship and hope it lasts.

Come and learn about love with my proven system, The Learn to Love School of Relationships.

I am Steve Sapato and I can teach you how to find the love you have dreamt about.
Start your journey now

Love is not our natural state of being

When it comes time to find love one of our greatest challenges is US!

I know, no one wants to hear that. I know I didn't.

I was single for almost eleven years. I was on every dating site and went to dozens of meetups and even managed and owned a large singles group in Tampa, FL. I had a great time most of the time but I wasn't meeting the love of my life. I met dozens of wonderful potential partners, started a relationship with a few only to find they were not the ONE that I was looking for. Then a few things happened in my life.

I actually was helping others find love. I was helping them to look inside to themselves. I was told once upon a time that if enough people thought you were being a jerk, then you probably being a jerk and the same thing applies here. If you are going through a lot of potential partners or marriages and none of them are working out, what is the one common denominator? You.

Shame on you Steve, to tell me that I am the root cause of my relationships failures. That my failed marriages are my fault! You didn't know my ex's. You didn't know what kind of person they were.

Wait~ wait....
I did not accuse you or say that you were the CAUSE.

When I wrote THE TWENTY and recently turned it into an audio book it was done with the sole purpose of helping people to find love in their lives. It still is. And part of that journey is discovering that the greatest challenge to finding that ONE person, that amazing love of your life was so simple that it escapes most of us.

Love is not our natural state. YES if love is showered upon as, like most people have when they are babies (oh you are so cute. hug hug hug kiss kiss. Come give momma, daddy, grandma, auntie a kiss) then our reaction is to love back. Notice I said love BACK.

It's very easy to love when we are showered in love but most of our lives we do not receive love like that. Not in the real world. Not at work. Not with our friends. Not even in our safe and supposedly loving relationships. But our natural state is not to show love. We are cautious, stand-offish and leery of people. If you watch babies take toys and things from other babies you will notice that we are bullies and aggressive. Yes, we can show love and affection but that is not our natural place to find ourselves.

And if you understand this then we are on the right track to find love because first we have to understand that love is not our first nature. Many times as we search for love we are anxious and easily swayed by someone who appears to offer us the love we want and desire. And they offer it because they desire it also.

What happens is that after our initial involvement we both tend to revert back to our natural tendencies which are selfish in nature. I want, I need, I expect... you should have, you need to, you are not doing what I want and need you to do!

Now let's go back to why our relationships are not going in the direction we want. It's not that we are to blame for their failure as much as we are responsible for selecting the wrong person to try to have a relationship with.

Step number one in finding a wonderful, amazing, delightful partner is knowing EXACTLY who and what we are looking for. And as I started this article I want to remind you that I was single for almost eleven years before I discovered my perfect partner and STILL after a few months we broke up because WE BOTH still had things to learn, give and grow into, in order to become that perfect partner.

If you read my book or listened to the audio book then you might, maybe, possibly, might have. partially, started, thought about putting together your list of what you want, need and desire in a partner. And I will still tell you this ... if you are serious about finding that person I can help you refine that list into the actual information you need in order to discover that person to share your life with.
Once Kristen Jensen, now Kristen Sapato, refined her own list, she found that I was as much the man of her dreams as she is the Lady of mine.

Taking training on how to love, how to become a more loving person, will help you discover the love for your life. But it is, ongoing, learning and growing because LOVE is not our natural state of being.

I am Steve Sapato founder and creator of Learn To Love School for Relationships. steve@stevesapato.com

Five Steps to finding someone you really want to date:

 Whether we talk about women or men we still have things to figure out but this article is geared towards ladies but can certainly help men as well.

Let’s talk about why you are not having any success in finding anybody much less the ‘right’ person to date.

The basics:  Step one – Change your hair style. Yes, men are attracted to different hairstyles and if you have not had success while sporting a specific hair style then think about changing. Growing it, shortening it, changing the color or the style in general.

And, if what you are saying right now is, I like my hair and I’m keeping it that way, then step number five is really for you.

Step two – Work on your body. Yes, I said it. Your body image is hurting your self-esteem and therefore who you are attracting. I don’t care if you are thin, fat, average. I don’t care if you are big boned, thin boned or have no bones at all, do something to change it. And if you say, I think I look pretty darn good then read step five.

Step three – Change your make-up. Your tan, your non-tan. Change the colors you are wearing on your face. Have you ever looked at someone and asked yourself, what was that person thinking of when they did their make-up? Well, maybe someone is saying that about you. PAY for a real make-over, let a professional do your make-up and then learn how they did it!

Step four – change what you are wearing. Yes, change that look. Change who you are by what people see you wearing. Have you heard the term, dress for success? Well, how you dress will certainly attract a certain type of person and will most efficiently scare others away. Maybe what you are wearing is not drawing the right people to you.

And Step five – change who you are. I don’t care if you are happy with who you are if part of your happiness involves finding the right partner then, like everyone else you have met, become the person you want to date. What’s crazy is most people say, I can’t change. Yes you can. I am the living result of many many changes and so are you. Do you like the exact same things you liked as a child? Same foods? Same games? Same friends? Do you like doing all those things you did as a kid? And I bet you actually had to think about what you used to do because your growth has come so gradually that you didn’t even know you changed except on those rare occasions when you suddenly found yourself eating something you hated as a kid or couldn’t eat the things you loved as a kid.

The same is true of who you are. You have changed hundreds of times over the years and I challenge you now to change again, only this time, make it a deliberate change. Change happens in at least one of three ways and typically in two or three ways; by the things we watch or listen to; by the things we read; by the people we hang around with. Change your friends and change your life. Change and read some great books, articles, emails, blogs and change your life. And change who and what you are listening to, podcasts, music, TV, seminars and workshops.

When you become a new person with deliberate action you can become the person you want to attract into your life.

I know what you are thinking…but I am great just as I am. If that is the case, you will be happy simply being right where you are but if you want to attract that person, then you have to become the type of person you are seeking. Change, grow, become and do it by choosing who you want to be.

I am Steve Sapato and I am the creator of the ‘Learn To Win’ workshops and seminars that change peoples lives. Write to me and let’s get you on the road to your own happiness.

The Happiness Agenda podcast is a good place to start. On iTunes or my website www.stevesapato.com/podcast